AND I WANT YOU
by deetatarant
Summary: Season 2.... follows on from 'tears in the rain' Ianto, Jack, Owen, Gwen and Tosh battle aliens and emotions alike.
1. Chapter 1

**PART ONE**

Ianto had checked them into a very posh Hotel, thank you very much. The moment he distributed door cards to his colleagues he fled to his room before anyone could protest, not that anyone did. It was clear Ianto was in no mood for company. Tosh led Owen away to his room with his medical kit slung over her shoulder, which left Jack standing somewhat forlornly with his hands in his coat pockets and Gwen smiling at him, willing him. Her eyes were wide with that openness that had always drawn Jack to her. There was also a hint of challenge in her gaze and downright determination.

"I need a drink." He muttered and with that she looped her arm through his and they wandered into the bar like a married couple, if slightly oddly dressed. Jack's coat always got attention. They settled into couch and Gwen ordered two bottles of water and a pot of coffee and Jack looked up at the young waiter and added a large scotch to the list. Yes, he really needed a drink. He could feel Gwen's warmth, her concern and her anger. Under any other circumstance he would have welcomed the challenge, he would've enjoyed sparring with her until they both gave in to their respective needs and fucked each other senseless. Right now that was all he wanted, just to forget, just to not have to think about the last year of his life and what he had left behind, more worryingly what he had to face. Gwen's slender hand found its way into his pocket and her fingers entwined around his like they were meant to be there. The contact made his breath hitch.

Gwen leaned into his side.

"I know you won't tell us Jack, where you were. I wish you would trust me enough to tell me, I wish you could love me enough."

He could feel the warm, hard metal of her engagement ring digging into his skin. A regret? Jack knew she certainly thought so.

"All I can tell you is that I am back, because I chose to come back."

"Please tell me it was for me, Jack. Tell me that and I'll take off that ring, you know I will. Whatever you want Jack."

He knew she would too, a large part of him wanted her to, but he knew from cold and painful experience that it would not end well for either of them if she did. In that moment he made his choice, hard as it was, he knew it was the right one because ultimately it was about her safety and well being, not his.

"What I want Gwen, is for you to understand that I need you to be with Rhys. He loves you and I know you love him. I came for all of you, but most of all I came back for Ianto."

"Then why isn't he here with you?"

He could feel her tears burning through his very skin.

"Because I hurt him and he and I have a lot to work out."

Gwen sighed. "He ran out on us, while you were away he disappeared for over a month and when he came back he wouldn't tell us where he'd been. You're as bad as each other."

The spite in her tone was obvious but Jack chose to ignore it, wondering what Ianto had done during that time. The tray of drinks arrived and Jack downed the scotch in one and then gently eased Gwen away from him, detaching her hand from his. He stood up and Gwen gazed up into his eyes with longing.

"I'll always be there for you Jack."

He shook his head. "Don't be, I'm not worth it."

Gwen watched through watery eyes as he walked away from her and disappeared into the lift.

Up on the fifth floor he tapped on the door next to his and very harassed looking Tosh answered it, she greeted him with a smile.

"Hey Tosh, you and Owen ok?"

She nodded knowing full well he was referring to the injuries inflicted on herself and her colleague by John Hart.

"Can I come in?"

Tosh gestured and Jack stepped into the room. Owen was sprawled on the bed in his undershorts, a fresh dressing adorning his hip, TV remotes in his hand.

"Thought you'd be shagging Tea Boy by now." Owen groused.

Jack sat down and shook his head with a smile. Tosh came in and plonked herself on the couch by the window, a glass of something from the minibar in her hand.

"Gwen tells me that Ianto went missing whilst I was away."

Owen immediately sat up and gave Jack an appraising look. "Yeah, he did. It was a bit weird actually."

"How so?"

"He was confused when he got back." Tosh answered.

"He seemed convinced that the Hub shouldn't be standing and that a year had gone missing. It was odd, he was just odd, and looked liked.... I don't know, but he'd had a nasty head injury. Why do you ask?"

Jack shrugged. "Just curious. I wanted to know how you all were, but Ianto's quiet. You know what he's like."

Owen snorted. "You snogged him in front of all of us Jack and then you did a runner. He's been odd since the day he started with us, but I have to admit the fact that his hair had almost 6 months worth of growth did ring my alarm bells and his confusion, but he recovered quickly enough and got back to work. To be honest I think he went away and had a nervous breakdown in private somewhere. There were no lasting medical issues with it and he's always been a quiet bugger."

"You should talk to him Jack." Tosh added.

"Yeah, which room is he in?"

"306."

Jack knocked on the door for the fourth time and then decided to let himself into Ianto's room. He wasn't surprised to find it empty. With a sigh he stripped off his clothes and flung them across the bed and went to the shower.

Ianto was more than a little dismayed to find Jack's clothes spread across his bed. He kicked the door closed with his foot and deposited his overnight bag on the chair next to the little phone table. With a heavy sigh he made his way to the bathroom and the sound of running water, without hesitation he stepped in and stood there arms folded over his chest watching Jack rinsing his hair off under the shower jet.

Aware of Ianto's presence, Jack grinned and flicked off the water jet. Ianto passed him a towel.

"You're supposed to be in 309."

"I am?"

Ianto turned away and went back to get his bag, Jack followed towelling his hair.

"I went back to my flat to get some fresh clothes, I'm sorry but all I've got that might fit you is a t-shirt and track pants." A wet hand yanked him to a stop and spun him round.

Somewhat startled Ianto tried to step back, but Jack held his arm firmly and their eyes met for the first time since Jack had come back, they finally looked at one another properly. Ianto noted the thinner face, the tight new lines around Jack's beautiful blues, the coldness there in the depths. He was terrified and confused because there was also grief and fear and Ianto had only seen Jack afraid once before. The pain in his arm finally registered.

"Jack, you're hurting me."

The next thing his face was against Jack's wet throat, arms moulding their bodies so tightly Ianto could barely breathe. Jack's fingers roamed through his hair, over his shoulders and down his back, his wet skin seeping through Ianto's shirt. It took Ianto a moment to register the fact that Jack was crying against him and doing his utmost to hide it. Slowly he drew his arms around Jack's waist and held on.

Ianto wasn't at all certain how long they stood there for, but finally Jack's hands released their grip and found their way under folds of fabric, seeking out skin. Ianto felt his blood rush southwards and immediately pulled back stepping out of Jack's reach, breaking the spell, he raised his hands somewhat defensively and shook his head.

"No, Jack we can't. I'm sorry." And before Jack could respond he fled.

Ianto found himself in the hotel bar and perching on a stool he ordered a double gin and tonic. Gwen watched with surprise when her rumpled looking younger colleague had practically lurched into the bar looking slightly wild in the eye. She suppressed the temptation to be nosy and remained on the couch idly toying with her glass of red wine. She was pretty certain that Ianto's current state was to do with Jack, part of her wanted to be happy about that, but she couldn't bring herself to celebrate. Jack hurt everyone he came into contact with, she couldn't blame Ianto for that it looked like he was suffering enough without her adding her own spite to the mix. A few minutes later Jack appeared in track pants and T-shirt with bare feet. He marched purposefully over to the younger man and literally yanked him off the stool. He grasped Ianto's head in both of his hands and kissed him smack on the lips, in front of everyone. He then pulled away leaving Ianto breathless and thoroughly embarrassed. Gwen sighed and then watched somewhat gobsmacked when Ianto floored him with a powerful right hook. In the next instant Jack was hauled to his feet and kissed back. Two or three other guests stepped back to get out of the way and someone yelled for them to get a room. Ianto turned to her and grinned.

"We did."

Jack grabbed his arm at that point and dragged him unprotesting back in the direction of the lifts. Gwen's heart sank into her shoes.


	2. Chapter 2

**For Captanne and RhianaStar...... Ianto will always be my hero even if he never sees it in himself......sorry gwen fans you might not like this chapter!**

**PART TWO**

It was over rather too quickly for both of them. Ianto was secured firmly against the wall, his legs around Jack's hips and Jack's arms holding him up. It took a while to capture breath and both of them were smiling, foreheads touching.

"God, Jack."

"Yeah, something like that. I missed you."

Ianto tried to move. "I'm getting cramp." Was murmured into Jack's ear and finally he was cautiously let free, his feet hitting the carpet with a gentle thud. Jack kept a hold on his arms and steered him in the direction of the bed. Ianto happily moved with him, his legs rather wobbly from the pins and needles that prickled at his nerves. Once settled on the bed Jack made short work of removing Ianto's jacket and shirt and carefully ran his hands over pale skin, taking in every contour of warm flesh under his fingertips. Ianto just closed his eyes and relaxed, letting Jack do what he wanted, it was the most intimate thing he could ever remember him doing and he wanted to relish the moment whilst it lasted, because these things never did. He chuckled at the feel of Jack's tongue sliding over his stomach, followed by cooling breath. Finally Jack lay down beside him and both of them looked at the ceiling and before he could shut himself up Ianto was talking.

"Something happened Jack, when you were away." Ianto's breath hitched as he felt Jack's fingers entwine with his.

"Owen told me you went missing."

Ianto nodded. "I did, only I'm not certain I understand what happened to me. He says I was absent for 32 days, but I remember over 12 months of time passing and when I asked him about things that I remember happening he offered me a prescription of anti depressants and told me to stop hankering after you."

Jack held his breath for a moment.

"Jack?"

They looked at another and Ianto suddenly understood what he was seeing in Jack's eyes, why Jack had held him earlier and cried.

"Oh my God.... You remember it too, don't you?"

"I'm not sure, tell me."

Ianto sighed and closed his eyes. "Harold Saxon and those Toclafane things. You were captured and held on board the Valiant...... Jack..... Jack Oh God I am so sorry. It really did happen, didn't it?" Tears flooded and Ianto lurched upright and got off the bed. "Jesus Jack, how can you stand the sight of me, after all those times I saw what he did to you? After what I did to you." He began pulling on his clothes haphazardly. "You should hate me Jack. I failed, I couldn't save anyone."

Jack was off the bed and pulling Ianto into an embrace in an instant, but Ianto struggled out of it and backed off.

"I got them all killed Jack, all of them, they were fighting to.... and they died. It was my fault, Saxon had me worked out from day one and I thought he was so weak.... Owen and Tosh and Andy, they all died because of what I did." He hastily did up buttons and pulled on his jacket. "I'm so sorry.... I'm sorry." He stepped into his shoes not bothering with his socks and Jack made a grab for his arm to stop him turning away. Once again Ianto was hauled into a bone crunching embrace. His legs gave out and Jack sank with him to the floor not letting go for an instant. Ianto howled and bunched his fists so tightly that his nails cut into his palms. Jack held him as he weakly kicked out against the carpet. The noise was horrendous, a pitiful gut deep keening that made Jack feel sick to hear it. He cradled Ianto's head.

"Ssshhh, it's ok. It's ok."

The door crashed open and there was Tosh, gun in hand at the ready and immediately she lowered it when she saw what was happening. She took a pace forwards and stretched out her hand and Jack firmly shook his head.

"I've got it Tosh, you go, please. I'll deal with this."

Reluctantly she left the room closing the door behind her.

Jack held on, though bone tired himself and it was not long before he was crying again as well.

Ianto knew that his headache was only going to get worse unless he did something about it. His throat was raw and he ached from head to foot. Cautiously he rolled over and discovered not only was he naked but he was also lying next to a very naked, sleeping Jack. So, yesterday had not been a dream. Jack was home and perhaps now all was right with the world. Ianto sincerely doubted it. He gingerly rose from the comfort of the bed and grabbing his overnight bag he padded into the bathroom for a much needed hot shower, vaguely wondering what time they needed to check out. He tried not to think about the previous 24 hours, his anger and jealousy rising with equal measure at the appearance of Jack's ex. The horrible realisation that he had lived a year..... really lived it in the space of a few weeks, that he had shot Jack, through the head at point-blank range, that he had stood by and watched as he was tortured to death.. that he had......... The water splashed down on his head and suddenly a pair of arms were encircling his body. Ianto leaned back his head to rest it against Jack's shoulder.

"You know it was preferable to think that I was going mad, rather than knowing what I had done."

Jack mumbled something into his skin and suddenly Ianto decided not to care. He turned round in Jack's embrace and forgot everything other than what it was he was doing now, because in the end it was all that mattered. If he thought beyond each day as it came he knew he would go mad.

Myfanwy practically dive bombed them when the team trooped into the Hub through the roller door. The pterosaur, settled on her usual perch and squawked impatiently at anyone who'd listen and Ianto straight away dumped his bag on the couch and went to her dedicated fridge for some Salmon and a half bar of dark chocolate. The dinosaur positively chirped with delight at the sight of her favourite pet bringing her food and treats. Ianto wandered up to the highest gantry underneath Tosh's Dragon painting and tossed fish. Myfanwy greedily snapped them up. When the last one was gone she alighted on the walk way and waited, beak tilted upwards to expose her throat and Ianto stood at her side rubbing her neck and affectionately. If she'd been a cat, she would've been purring. It took Ianto some time to register the fact that all of his colleagues were standing there watching, Gwen and Tosh with expressions of 'aww' on their faces, Jack a chessey grin and Owen his familiar scowl and.

"Come on Tea Boy, get the bloody coffee on."

Ianto tossed the chocolate to Jack.

"You best feed her this and get reacquainted, otherwise she'll be snitty with you."

Gwen watched as Ianto picked up the now empty fish bucket and headed back in the direction of the kitchenette. She followed him and found him washing his hands at the sink when she got there. Ianto turned offering up a smile and Gwen returned one.

"So you and Jack, catch up last night?" She ventured.

Ianto dried his hands and tossed the towel into the small laundry bin under the sink. He gave her a long suffering frown and sighed.

"If that's your way of asking, did he tell me where he's been......"

"You can't blame me asking Ianto, we all want to know. Come to that we still don't know where you went off to..... Were you with him?"

Ianto set about preparing coffee. "I can't it discuss Gwen. It's complicated and even if Jack has told me anything, it is not for me to say."

"That doesn't explain your absence."

"No, you wouldn't believe me if I told you and quite honestly, it's too painful for me to talk about. It doesn't affect Torchwood or my duties so lets just leave it at that."

Gwen folded her arms and huffed out annoyed puff of breath. "Why don't you trust us?"

Ianto faced her with a sad look. "I don't even trust myself, how the hell do you expect me to trust you as well."

"You trust Jack and he's the one who deserted you."

There were limits to Ianto's patience and he deliberately focussed on grinding the coffee beans.

"Yes, I do trust Jack. What is this really about Gwen?"

She chewed at her lip. "It's just you, you're always keeping things from us, hiding yourself and suddenly Jack's back and he's your favourite person again. He left us Ianto, hasn't explained his absence, let alone apologised for it and you just fall back into his bed like some cheap whore."

Ianto's hands froze, the cup he was holding dropping to the work bench with a clatter and he faced her with narrowed eyes, fury rolling off him in waves. Gwen edged back half a pace.

Without a word and for fear he might actually just punch her one, Ianto curtly stepped past her through the narrow doorway. He grabbed his bag from the sofa and walked out of the Hub via the roller door, passing Tosh and Owen as he went by. Jack poked his head out of his office door as heard the cog door closing. Owen and Tosh were both looking in Gwen's direction, a faux innocence plastered over her face.

Jack strode down from his office and glanced between his team members.

"What's going on? Why has Ianto just left?"

Everyone turned to Gwen and she held a defensive posture.

"I think I pissed him off. I asked him about where he'd been when he went missing."

Jack shot her a filthy look and took off after him. Once the door was closed she shrugged off the glares from Tosh and Owen.

"What? I just wanted to know?"

Owen shook his head. "Yeah, right. What is it Jack told you last night?"

"Jack didn't tell me anything, just that he'd come back for us when he didn't have to."

Tosh stepped away. "I heard Ianto crying last night, in his room. I went in there and Jack was comforting him."

"Don't tell me they're shagging already?" Owen shook his head in disgust. "Ianto's only going to get deserted again, soon as Jack gets bored he'll be gone."

"You really think that?" Tosh would never believe it.

Gwen certainly didn't. "He told me he came back to be with us. He wouldn't leave me again."

Owen arched his eyebrows, suddenly figuring out what had happened in the kitchen. "What exactly did you say to Ianto?"

"Nothing!"

"Fuck's sake Gwen. I've already told you. Tea Boy had a nervous breakdown, he doesn't remember clearly what happened to him. Medically he showed all the classic symptoms so just leave it, the poor lad has got enough to deal with without you being a jealous cow."

"I am not jealous Owen. I'm just concerned."

"Bollocks."

Tosh stepped away, keeping her opinions on the matter to herself, but she couldn't resist a little dig.

"I think it's nice that Jack was finally there for him, Ianto needs him and I think Jack needs Ianto."

"Don't you bloody start!" Owen snapped as he stomped off to the autopsy bay, more upset by the delay this had created in him getting his coffee.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Iam feeling my way through this one a bit.... because Gwen isn't really the bad guy, I think she has issues and is doing as much soul searching as Ianto.... I hope this chapter reflects that.... let me know what you think.....next chapter well action hero Owen Harper of course.... because he can kick alien butt sometimes.**

**PART THREE**

Ianto sat on his sofa and stared blankly at the wall. How the hell was he supposed to carry on as he had before, with the rest of the team completely unaware of that year? How could Jack even begin to forgive him? Of course Jack did, he always did. Hadn't he told Ianto once that forgiveness was the only way forward? Hadn't Father O Rourke said the same thing? Had it been a test of Ianto's resolve, of his strength or his faith? The insane thing, Ianto fully understood Gwen's need for answers. How could she possibly trust him if he kept things from her? She had done her level best to run Torchwood in Jack's absence and Ianto knew what lengths she had gone to in order to find him when he had disappeared. He still couldn't reconcile the contradiction of time itself. It made him feel physically disconnected with the world he was in now. This world had been saved by the Doctor, like it had when the Cybermen came and like it had so many times before. Part of him wondered if this mythical Time Lord was some kind of angel, but that was nonsense of course. He was certain the Doctor had a dark side, the same as the rest of them.

He thought back to what Gwen had called him. Perhaps he was Jack's whore, on some level selling himself because he needed forgiveness and love, craved things that had been long absent in his life. Her jealousy had spoken, but Ianto understood that she felt empowered by Jack's affection for her and there was no doubting the mutual attraction. He wondered if he had done something to anger her, since his return, it was not like Gwen to be vindictive. He was shaken from his thoughts by a thumping on the front door. Unsurprisingly Jack was there, a worried frown on his face. Ianto let him into the house.

"Are you alright?" There was genuine concern there.

Ianto smiled and meandered into his kitchen to make coffee, what else was there?

"I'm fine. Just needed some air and time to gather my thoughts. Gwen wanted to know where you'd been. She seemed rather put out about not knowing and I don't blame her. Though I suspect she was more upset by the fact that I knew and she didn't."

Jack slid off his great coat and draped it over the back of the couch and joined Ianto in the kitchen.

"Did you say something to upset her last night?" Ianto realised somewhat vaguely that he spent far too many occasions having these conversations over his coffee making.

Jack leant against the door frame. "I think she was hoping that she and I would.... well get together, I guess. Not that I wouldn't mind because she's amazing, but it wouldn't be right."

"And this was before or after you slept with me?"

"Don't get pissy Ianto."

Ianto faced him, eyebrow arched and Jack couldn't meet his gaze. "Jack, it's up to you what you do. I have no hold on you. I do not know what we are, Hell I don't even know what I am right now. I just don't want you giving Gwen mixed messages, if you really are going to not sleep with her you should make it clear otherwise she and Rhys are going to be in a mess. She's extremely fond of you."

"Rhys is good for her, he's stable, loyal."

"I agree, but I don't want you assuming I agree because I am jealous or something. I'm so mixed up right now. I need time and I'm quite sure you do."

Jack shook his head. "I'm ok, had a good rest on the TARDIS before I came back, Doctor's orders and he was right, it did me good, gave me the time I needed to recover my wits. It was just a shock to see you. I thought you'd be still be dead because Saxon told me he'd killed you and the others that actually died on the Valiant stayed dead...... What did he do to you?"

Ianto turned back to his task and shuddered. "He had me chained up in a room, like you. I had to wear a blindfold, the entire time, even when I was led to the bathroom by Tish. She was the only one who spoke to me and even that was only to give me instructions. Three months of blackness and Owen was right I did have a breakdown about three days after I got off the Valiant. I took an over dose, that's how the others tracked me down, when I was admitted into hospital. I don't remember the details, don't want to, if I'm honest."

The comforting scent of Kenyan beans being brewed floated up from the coffee machine and Ianto visibly relaxed.

"What I don't understand is why you came back to us. You could have gone anywhere, even back to your original time and home."

A moment later and Ianto had passed Jack a mug of 'special brew' and half a bar of dark Argentine chocolate. They sat at the little dining table, Jack breaking off some chocolate to add to his coffee, the bar was passed back and Ianto added a piece to his own steaming mug.

"My family are gone Ianto. They died before...... before I became like I am now."

Ianto ventured a question he had been dying to ask. "John mentioned someone called Grey. Who is Grey?"

A shadow fell across Jack's features. "My brother, I lost him. I spent years searching for him. I suspect John was lying, he does that a lot. He certainly doesn't like the life I've chosen and the fact that I've changed."

Ianto sipped at his coffee, taking his time to relish the taste. "And have you changed? I mean really?"

"I try to do what's right. I never did that before. At first everything I did was about finding Grey, but somewhere along the line I think I gave up, then it became about getting the memories back that the Time Agency took from me. I did some reprehensible things back then."

Ianto didn't doubt it, he knew just how ruthless Jack could be. "We all make mistakes Jack."

"Sometimes those mistakes are unforgivable and came back and bite your arse, years later."

"Best not to make them in the first place then. The thing about mistakes though, is that sometimes they are unavoidable Jack. Like Lisa was for me. I think I knew deep down that she was gone but I went ahead anyway because I could not ignore my feelings for her. I wonder if the feelings or the action itself constitutes the mistake."

Jack sighed. "In my experience the feelings are misguided, but don't ever consider them a mistake."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gwen stepped in through the roller door and took a quick glance around the Hub. It was quiet, though she could see Jack working at his desk in his office and the distinctive aroma of coffee was drifting on the otherwise stale air. Gwen smiled to herself and dumping her hand bag on her chair she went to the kitchenette to find Ianto. Predictably he was there, already making her a drink.

"Hi Ianto."

Ianto faced her with a neutral expression on his pale face as he handed over her mug.

"Good morning Gwen."

She reached out her hand and rested it gently on his forearm. "I wanted to apologise, for what I said yesterday. What I called you."

Ianto's shoulders dropped and he carefully pulled his arm back. "It's alright. I know you want to know what happened and where we were. Truth is Gwen I don't understand it myself. Jack suffered, we all suffered, hugely. I wish I could explain it. I saw things I hope I never have to see again. I did things that I am certain I will never forgive myself for. I just need you to understand. It's not easy. I cannot tell you about Jack, that's up to him. What I can tell you is that he did choose to come back to us over being able to return home. I just want to be sure that I make it worth his while, that we all do because he is so alone Gwen." He lowered his gaze trying to fathom what on Earth had possessed him to say that.

Gwen was smiling between sips of her coffee. "He told me that he came back for you most of all and I really am sorry for calling you a whore, that was inexcusable Ianto. I was..... I felt....."

"Rejected?"

She nodded.

"I understand, believe me, more than I'd like to, and your apology is accepted, thank you."

She hesitated for a moment and glanced briefly in the direction of Jack's office. "It's just Jack, he's so....."

"I know. All he wants is for you to be happy. He's right, Rhys is good for you. He's a decent man and I know how much he means to you, I saw that when Bilis started messing with our heads that day. Jack doesn't want you throwing that away."

"And you, what do you get out of all of this?"

Ianto shrugged. "When I figure it out, I'll let you know."

"Is he worth that much uncertainty Ianto?"

"Yes."


	4. Chapter 4

**PART FOUR**

Owen sauntered into the shiny new conference room and plonked himself into his seat next to Tosh, completely oblivious to the fact that everyone was staring at him.

"Right then, we'll get started." Jack said pointedly glaring at his medic. "I've decided that we are going to have this meeting in order to get things out in the open. I know you all have questions about where I went and for that matter where Ianto went as well, so I am going to explain it all and when I am done the subject will be closed and we will all move on, any questions?" Jack surveyed his little gang. Gwen was smiling encouragingly and Toshiko just looked plain interested. Owen scowled, which coming from him was a nod of approval.

"Ianto would you please go and make us a pot of coffee this could take some time."

Ianto rose from his place. "Of course, sir."

Jack frowned and watched as he left the room closing the door behind him. Ianto knew why he had just been dismissed. Jack cracked his knuckles making Tosh wince.

"Right, firstly. I do not want any of you badgering Ianto about this. I will not go into the details of our doings, so suffice it to say we both went through very similar experiences. I was fortunate enough to be well looked after once everything had been put right. Ianto was not, he's still coming to terms, so I am asking you to cut him some slack and leave be, ok?"

The others nodded, well Owen just sort of waved his hand.

"Come on Harkness, cut the amatuer dramatics and tell us."

"You know when I left I went to the Tardis, the Doctor's time ship, when I touched her, she flung forward through time/space in an attempt to escape from me, a very long way forward into time, to the end of human civilisation, the deaths of all the stars bar a few......"

Ianto entered the room with a tray and the Torchwood team listened in stunned silence as Jack recounted his tale of a year that didn't happen, but did. Ianto kept his eyes on his clasped hands throughout and only spoke a couple of times to confirm a point or two that Jack made. He spoke for over an hour, everyone hanging on each word until the end.

A long silence followed and it was Tosh who finally spoke up.

"I understand that the reversal happened and the paradox was corrected, but I don't understand why you both remember, I mean how do you get your heads round that?"

"I'll be honest Tosh I don't know. The Doc did try to explain the physics of it to me. We were able to work out that the people who actually died on the Valiant... whose bodies were still on board, they stayed dead, so some of the paradox remained in the vicinity of the Tardis."

She frowned chewing it over. "But Ianto, when did he get on board the Valiant? I don't remember him going."

Ianto sighed realising that there was no way to avoid some of the questions.

"You guys went to Nepal and I stayed here, so far as I can tell that is when the two time lines diverged. After you left I received word that your plane had gone down. Then those things came out of the sky. Jack and the doctor had been arrested so I evacuated the Hub and blew it up."

"You did what?" Owen exclaimed.

"I destroyed the armoury and archive and the tunnels. Saxon knew all about this place I had to stop him getting anything useful. A short while after the attack I met with Andy Davidson and Rhys Williams. We walked to the Stonehenge site and broke in. Then you guys showed up and I surrendered to get on board the Valiant. My initial intention was to take down Saxon, I ended up sending intel to you guys... I was found out and put in a cell. Everything had been corrected by the time I got out. You found me a month later at St David's Hospital." He thought it prudent to leave out the details of everyone's deaths. It was obvious there was more and the others knew better than to ask, after what Jack had said.

"So, is this going to have any long term impact on the Rift?" Gwen asked.

Jack shook his head, "It shouldn't do, at least that's what the Doc said, but he's been known to be wrong."

Owen lurched to his feet. "Right now that's over can we get back to work?"

Ianto had to privately admit that he was grateful to Owen's apparent disinterest in the tale. He got up as well collecting the mugs and the two men wandered out of the room. Once they had left Tosh turned to Jack and leant across the table.

"It was bad Jack, wasn't it for you and Ianto."

He met her concerned look with a wistful smile. "Yes. It's done Tosh. You guys do not need to know the details, trust me you don't want to know. Like Owen said, lets get back to work."

"Jack?"

"Yes Gwen."

She fiddled with her engagement ring. "Are you here to stay this time?"

"I can't promise that. If the Doctor needs me then I will be there for him, but it would have to be a real emergency. There are things that happen that are just greater than all of us, Ianto and I both learnt that lesson recently."

She raised her eyebrows.

"Owen's right about one thing."

"Oh yes?"

Her face broke into a cheerful smile. "You certainly enjoy the theatrics."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The tourist office was a mess. Ianto surveyed it with a critical eye and decided that now they were back up to a full compliment of team members, it was time to re -open for business. There was always a possibility that Susan Jenkins from the council offices may pop in with some of her divine flapjacks anyway. Ianto decided that he must look like a kicked puppy most of the time, because quite a few of the local women would pop by and leave him treats after picking up their new bus timetables, or millennium centre guides. He opened up the door and jammed it that way with the dragon statue that he had found in a cardboard box months before. A refreshing breeze swept through the little shop and made him quickly realise just how dusty things had become. Ianto set to work in contented silence and ten minutes later his first customer ventured in.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Owen finished cleaning down his exam table and decided he'd have lunch before Starting on the autopsy he'd been planning on doing almost three days ago. He was just about to call in his lunch order to Ianto upstairs, when the alarms went off and rolling his eyes and grumbling he charged up the steps from the bay over to Tosh's terminal. Jack and Gwen were already crowding around her reading the data currently scrawling across her screens. Jack was grinning with his usual bravado.

"Police reports, big cat, giant cat sightings.....guess where?" Tosh was tapping at her keys. "Splott!"

Owen was not even slightly surprised.

"Ok, Gwen, Owen you're with me. Tosh keep us posted."

Within minutes they were speeding through Cardiff and Owen was complaining.

"Just 'cause you're back does not mean you get to drive like a maniac!"

Gwen snorted from the back seat. "Says the man who leans out of the driver's side window to shoot at a getaway car."

Owen threw her a devilish. "Yeah, but I didn't miss, did I?"

Gwen shook her head in mild amusement and listened intently to Tosh's latest update as she checked her gun. Owen began rummaging through his medical kit for the sedative gun.

Abruptly the SUV screeched to a halt and all three of them piled out. Owen held up his PDA, double checking the data being sent to it by Tosh back at the Hub.

"It's this way."

An approaching police siren could be heard as they ran along a suburban terraced street, and passed a group of lads playing football in the road. Owen cursed under his breath and wondered why the hell this thing had decided to come out in the middle of the day on the school holidays. Aliens should be more considerate. They picked up the pace each of them looking this way and that. Suddenly a man was running towards them yelling and screaming, he charged right by them and Gwen tackled him to stop. The bloke was having none of it as he shoved her aside and continued on his way. Moments later a sleek black shape rounded the corner at the end of the street. The trio froze and Jack was grinning.

"It is a fucking cat!" Owen blurted out. Gwen just gaped as the cat, some seven feet tall and walking quite comfortably upright on it's hind legs, approached. It's long fangs exposed with a hiss. The end of it's long tail flicking with annoyance. Jack ventured a pace forwards. Cats were tricky buggers, some of them were really quite lovely, great in bed; others.... well... weren't quite so friendly.

"Hey there, wow aren't you the pretty one."

The cat halted the fur on it's hackles raised and Owen immediately loaded the dart gun. The kids who had been playing footie had gone quiet and Gwen turned to see that they were watching the proceedings. One of them pulling out a mobile phone. Gwen tapped her ear piece and spoke quietly to Tosh.

"Tosh, it's me..... yes it's a cat.... a proper cat.... well... look I've got some kids behind taking pictures on their mobile phones, is there anything you can do from there?" Gwen nodded at her reply and turned back to see what Jack and Owen were doing.

The cat hadn't moved and Gwen couldn't help but admire it's sleek and graceful form, even if it was growling and bearing it's rather nasty looking teeth. Jack's voice drew her attention as he side stepped a little to give Owen a clear line of fire.

"You are a long way from home, how about you come with us and we get you a nice fish to eat and a large bowl of milk."

Owen was shaking his head. "Honestly Harkness it doesn't look like a glass of milk kind've cat to me, can I shoot?"

Jack nodded.

The dart hit it square in the chest and a moment later it was snoring on the pavement. Owen was quietly grateful, he really didn't want it killed and he wondered what on Earth they were going to do with it. He turned and spotted the collection of kids. Bollocks, retcon then.

It took longer to sort out the clean up than it did to bag the cat and on their way back to the Hub Jack called Ianto and told him to organise a cell, coffee and food.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They were unloading the unconscious feline from the back of the SUV twenty minutes later. Gwen holding open the doors.

"I'd like to take it down to the autopsy bay first and do a complete bio work up, for the database and just in case it is injured."

Jack was grunting under the weight. "It's a she Owen, distinct lack of certain body parts.... what kind of a medic are you?"

"Precisely Jack, I'm a medic, not a vet and I really do not want to know how you know so much about them. God, shag bloody anything with a pulse."

Jack grinned. "No point in being prejudiced."

They carefully man handled the furry body onto the metal exam table and Gwen and Ianto gathered on the observation level to get a look. One couldn't help but admire the animal.

"Does it talk?" Ianto asked clearly fascinated by the idea of a walking and talking cat.

"Some can, most choose not to, they're not over fond of humans."

Jack was brushing fur off his hands and Owen was just about to pull over the restraints when the cat hissed and flung itself round and off the table. It launched itself at Jack, sending him crashing into the cabinets and cracking his head on the way down. With a growl it leapt upwards towards Gwen, and Ianto grabbed and bodily threw her out of its path. The cat landed heavily against his chest, claws extended and it swung a pawful of razor sharp talons at Ianto's throat, cutting through skin as he fell backwards to the floor the cat still on him. Owen charged up the stairs, gun in hand, sensing his presence the cat swung about, claws digging through the fabric of Ianto's shirt as it turned. Ianto cried out and grabbed its tail and held on as it readied itself to leap once again. It reared up and Owen shot a second dart into its chest. For a moment the cat wobbled on its hind legs before crumpling to a heap on top of Ianto.

"Shit, shit, everyone ok?" Owen called out.

"Yes!" Gwen was down in the bay helping a stunned Jack to his feet.

"Fine." Jack answered.

"Ianto?"

Ianto sat up shoving the cats back end off his body, his previously white shirt rapidly turning red. "I think it got me."

Owen was at his side immediately. "Bollocks! Sorry mate." He moved the sleeping cat aside and inspected Ianto's neck and chest. Gwen and Jack gathered up the dozing feline took it down to the cells and left it there locked up and sedated. When they got back to the autopsy bay Owen was already cleaning up the claw marks on Ianto's white skin. Ianto was looking grey and he winced when Owen advised him he'd need a lot of stitches and an antibiotic jab in the butt.

Ianto sat there quiet and uncomplaining as Owen worked. It was easier and quicker that way, because even with the local anaesthetic it still stung like hell. He watched the medic's concentration as Owen's tongue slid over his lips in an unconscious effort to focus on his task. Owen hated leaving shit stitches that marked the skin with scars and he prided himself on always being the best bloody doctor Torchwood had, ok so he was the only one.

"How's your head Harkness?"

Jack fingered his scalp as he stepped down into the bay. "Fine, healed already. Damn that cat was fast."

"Yep, it metabolised the tranq bloody quickly too, should've been out for at least another couple of hours..... still, we'll know for next time."

Ianto noticed that Jack was watching him closely and they exchanged brief, faint smiles.

"So how's Ianto?"

"He'll be fucking sore when the novocaine wears off, stitches will come out in 10 days, no lasting damage."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Says the man who wasn't mistaken for whiskers supermeat."

He suddenly realised that Gwen was at his other side proffering a glass of water, Ianto gratefully took it.

"Thanks Gwen."

She smiled. "No, thank you."

Ianto dipped his chin.

"Oi, Tea Boy head up... genius at work here."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I thought I needed to lighten the mood a little.... hope this works!**

**PART FIVE**

He found her sitting on the end of the sofa. It wasn't often that Ianto could find anything in his heart for Gwen, but today he did. Today had brought back such painful memories for him and he could see Gwen's humanity doing its absolute best to make everything right for Beth. Of course these things could never be truly fixed. It occur to him that Beth had made the ultimate sacrifice where a year previously Lisa could not. He finally realised that Lisa did in fact die in the ruins of Canary Wharf and not in the basement. Ianto cautiously approached and proffered a mug of special Kenyan with a hint of dark delight. Gwen looked up at him with tear swollen eyes and smiled her thanks as she took the mug. Ianto sat down beside her as Gwen leaned back and closed her eyes, nursing the mug.

"You did all you could Gwen. Beth made a choice, to save us and quite possibly herself. She would not want you blaming yourself."

Gwen opened her eyes and looked at him about to retort that he couldn't possibly understand. It was clear that he did, perhaps better than she did.

"Sometimes there is nothing that can be done and we have to learn to live with it. No matter how hard."

He shouldn't know these things, not at his age, was all Gwen could think.

"She was so brave Ianto and she wasn't even from this planet, wasn't one of us."

"Perhaps, but personally I think she was more human than any of us."

Gwen couldn't argue with that, she sipped on the coffee and then smiled.

"Thank you Ianto."

He inclined his head. "I'll go finish my rounds." He got up and walked away as quietly as he had come and Gwen watched his departing back, with a new sense of respect for her younger colleague.

Ianto wandered down to the autopsy bay where Owen was just finishing up with getting Beth into a body bag. Owen was an obnoxious git at the best of the times, but he was always respectful of the dead, no matter what they were in life. Ianto hesitated on the bottom step as the body was pushed into the wall and the awaiting dumb waiter that would take it down to the morgue for Ianto to lock away. Owen looked up from his clipboard of paperwork and he smiled.

"Ah, Tea Boy, just what the doctor ordered."

Ianto handed over the coffee and turned to leave.

"Hold up Ianto, I may as well take those stitches out, take a pew." He gestured to the now empty metal table. Ianto did as he was asked, loosening his tie as he moved. Having removed his top layers he perched on the table and Owen changed his gloves. He peered intently at the three lines of stitches running in straight rows from the base of Ianto's throat down to below the left side of his rib cage. He carefully poked, running his fingers expertly along the injury.

"Looks good, I think they can come out. Won't take long."

Ianto said nothing and sat there very still when he noted the hooked scalpel in Owen's hand.

"You're very good you don't pick at your injuries, Gwen is terrible."

Ianto arched his eyebrows. "Are you sure you should be telling me that?"

Owen grinned. "So how is our resident killer cat?"

"Being transferred to a UNIT holding facility on Friday. I shall be glad to see it go, it gives me the evils every time I go down there to feed it. Apparently UNIT already have one..... Oh God I hope they don't try to breed them."

"That'd be great, you could let 'em loose in London, rat problem would be solved in a week!"

"True. We'd all need bigger cat flaps though."

Owen chuckled and continued his work in contented silence.

"What am I doing with Beth's body?"

"Jack said to incinerate it. I've removed the tech and Tosh is going to give it a proper once over before you archive it."

Ianto nodded, deciding he'd find an appropriate reading for her before cremation, it was the least he could do. Owen finished up and stood back to admire his work.

"Once they're fully healed should only be a thin white line."

Ianto pulled on his shirt and did up the buttons from the bottom working up. "It's ok, scars are the least of my worries, but thank you anyway."

"You coming for a pint tonight?"

He was fastening his tie now. "Yes, there's a new wine bar opened up in town, thought it might be nice to try it out."

"Good plan, Gwen and Tosh are coming."

"Have you asked Jack?"

Owen shook his head. "Nah, mate didn't want him to think I was asking him on a date, you can do that. Jack'll come I'm sure."

xxx

Ten minutes before they were due to leave for the pub, four weevils decided to have a party in the local hospital car park.

xxx

Ianto stepped into Jack's office with a mug off his best coffee and a folder. The coffee was really for medicinal purposes, well to stop Jack from blowing a gasket, the folder was the annual budget report from the Crown. With a pained smile Ianto quietly deposited both items on Jack's desk and tried to beat a hasty retreat.

"Ianto!"

He halted his hand almost reaching the door handle.

"What's this?"

Ianto turned and put on his best smile, which barely registered on his sombre, pale face. Jack knew that it meant trouble.

"Financial reports sir, you need to check them and then you need to sign them, sir."

"That's sir, twice in one sentence Ianto."

"Yes, sir. Sorry I must be slipping."

"You were also trying your damndest to sneak in here and sneak out again." Jack leant forward and splayed his hands on his cluttered desk.

"Yes sir, obviously my stealth mode, isn't quite stealthy enough."

"So, er..... how bad is it?"

"How bad is what, sir?"

Jack narrowed his eyes and gestured to the folder. Ianto sort of shrugged, which ended up being more a hunch as he tried to grin at the same time. Jack half wondered if he had gut ache.

"It makes for interesting reading, particularly the expenses pages." Ianto discretely reversed a pace closer to the door. "Dry cleaning for instance, and...... and coffee." He breathed deeply. "And I'd like to add that I do pay for all of my dry cleaning out of my wages, sir!" At that he bundled out of the office and closed the door behind him. Jack was left gaping.

Tosh looked up from her work as Ianto hurriedly made his way across the Hub and went and sat on the sofa. He started counting back from ten in a whisper.

".... Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one...."

"IANTO!"

Tosh smiled and both she and Ianto were looking up at Jack, who was standing in his office doorway waving the folder.

"FULL TEAM MEETING IN THE BOARD ROOM, NOW!"

The team sloped in and took their places. Owen, Tosh and Gwen having no clear idea what the summons was about having only just got back from having lunch outside in the sun on the Plas. Tosh offered Ianto a sympathetic smile, wondering if he'd done something to upset the Captain, because he was looking very pensive. Jack paced about like a caged tiger waving a blue folder.

"Right then ladies and gentlemen. This...." He held up the folder and then dramatically threw it down on to the table, it slid, coming to a stop in front of Ianto, as if to goad him.

"....is our annual budget, minus £8, 768.57p, which has been deducted by the crown accountants as unreasonable expenses claimed in the last financial year. Now even with Ianto's imaginative accounting skills we still managed to claim almost nine grand for the bloody dry cleaning. Anyone care to explain that?"

Owen snorted. "Well it's obvious, Tea Boy's the only one who wears suits."

Jack narrowed his eyes at his medic. "Except that Ianto is the only one not to have claimed for dry cleaning, just £4, 007.24p on coffee!"

Ianto squirmed in his seat. "It's good coffee, sir."

Jack faced him with saucers for eyes. "Does it contain golden beans?"

Ianto shrugged. "Actually the Jamaican......."

"Ianto!"

"Yes, sir. Sorry. Nescafe instant it is then. I'd also like to point out that your coat costs £22 each time it's gets a wash, sir."

Gwen dipped her head and sniggered into her hand.

Jack slumped down into his seat, thoroughly dispondant. Ianto and Tosh exchanged smiles.

"Perhaps I should practice more imaginative accounting, sir. Or you could promote everyone to increase their salaries."

Owen looked agog and Jack just gently beat his forehead on the table. Ianto took the folder. "Perhaps you should leave it with me and Tosh." His tone was sympathetic.

Jack grumbled something, much to everyone's amusement. He didn't have the heart to reprimand this small team of people he adored so much, who saw too much and followed him where ever he led them, no matter the risk. He sat up and tried to look seriously around the table at the faces of his team.

"Go, on the lot of you, get out of here."


	6. Chapter 6

**PART SIX**

Ianto just lay there on his back staring at the ceiling. He just couldn't wrap his head around the events of the last couple of days and he was glad he managed to get home to get away from Jack's bad temper. Clean up of the meat factory had been a torturous affair. They were all angry about the inhumain treatment afforded the stranded alien 'Whale'. Owen was additionally distressed by having to put it down. He, himself was bruised and sore from having Dale kick the crap out of him, but mostly he realised he was furious with Jack for endangering Rhys. The whole case had been emotionally charged from the moment it became apparent that Harwoods could be involved. Ianto found himself wondering what the hell Jack had been playing at bringing Rhys out into the field. For once Ianto shared Gwen's sentiments on the matter, but as usual he had kept quiet and done as Jack had asked without a word of protest. Of course it didn't end there, what with Gwen snogging Rhys and eye fucking Jack from the couch and then having a hissy fit about Retcon. Ianto had lost count of how many of the protocols had been broken and Jack had made a total arse out of himself and Gwen had insulted all of her team mates. A shit day was had by all and now he was back to discretely observing Rhys to make sure he didn't blab. Bloody wonderful. Of course the day had been finalised with a brief but explosive argument between Jack and Owen. Ianto had been just about ready to leave for the day, pulling on his coat after Owen had checked him over and given him the all clear. The medic had clearly been spoiling for an argument as soon as Jack had been bullied into not Retconning Rhys, but the argument had been something totally unexpected......

"_You fucking Tosser, Jack. All that woman has to do is flutter her eyelashes at you and you give her anything. You have to Retcon Rhys, he's a security risk." Owen was yelling in the office, the door wide open, Ianto and Tosh exchanging concerned looks._

"_To top it off you practically disclose your undying love for her in front of your own boyfriend!"_

_At that Ianto felt a deep blush rise in his cheeks. He hadn't mentioned anything to Owen, in fact he'd kept his trap shut all day. He could feel Jack's glare through the window on his back._

"_I beg your pardon?" Jack shouted back._

"_Ianto... Tea Boy.....Eye Candy, the bloke you've been screwing over available surface. Have you no consideration for his feelings Jack? Not to mention how many rules you are breaking and putting an untrained man in the firing line and letting Gwen get away with insubordination, again!"_

"_This has nothing to do with Ianto, he is not my boyfriend, we are not involved and it's none of your damn business who I fuck! I made a decision that will be better for the team in the long run. Gwen needs Rhys and the rest of us sad fuckers are so used to being alone that we are blind to the fact that we can't always do this alone."_

"_That's bollocks Jack and you know it. Fuck's sake why don't you just go and shag her and get it out of your system!" Owen turned and left and stomped out of the Hub, leaving Ianto and Tosh to gape at the closing cog door. Jack stepped out of his office and yelled._

"_Tosh, go home!"_

_Tosh flicked a sympathetic glance at Ianto and grabbed her bag and he was eternally grateful that she didn't hear what happened next. Jack strode down the steps and stopped by Gwen's desk sitting down in her chair and glaring at Ianto, his arms folded across his chest._

"_What the hell did you say to Owen?"_

_Ianto immediately resented the tone and the implication of the question, he arched his eyebrows._

"_I'm not having this discussion whilst you are in this mood Jack." He turned to leave._

"_Don't you bloody dare walk away from this."_

_Ianto froze and slowly about faced. "Are you going to stop yelling and get off the defensive?"_

"_Dammit Ianto!"_

_He sighed. "I haven't said anything to Owen. I didn't even know that he knew we were..... well whatever it is we do and I resent your implication. I'm not some hormonal teenager. I have had a shit day and quite frankly after your performance on a number of occasions during it I really do not want to be anywhere near you!" Ianto kept his voice level and steely. "What's more Owen is quite correct about the protocols."_

"_So what, you want Gwen to compromise her relationship with Rhys? Do you dislike her that much?"_

_Ianto closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his patience. "What I want is to go home and have a hot bath and a decent sleep. What I want is to get through a day without having a gun, or claws or teeth threatening my life. What I want is for you treat everyone fairly and equally. And if you really can't live without her, do something about it instead of using me as your back up plan."_

_Ianto walked away this time and Jack, mouth hanging open, let him go._

The trouble was Ianto was so wound up that sleep completely evaded him and he lay there on his bed staring at his ceiling. Like what else could he do after a day like that? He kept telling himself it wasn't about Jack, or Gwen's double standards or poor bumbling Rhys getting shot. Of course it was all of those things and much more.

Jack was right, they all needed someone or something on the outside to help them cope with the way of life that was Torchwood. Neither he, Owen or Tosh had relationships outside of their work. Even he as a local boy Ianto had lost touch with people he'd known, even his own family. However, Owen was right too on a whole number of levels starting with Gwen's repeated rule breaking and Rhys as a potential security risk. Ianto was soon to realise that it really wasn't those things that were bothering him. It was the fact that Jack assumed he would want to damage Gwen's relationship with Rhys. He assumed that Ianto was jealous, almost expected it and Ianto wasn't. There was never any point in being jealous especially where Jack was concerned. That man would take who he wanted whenever he wanted and Ianto simply accepted that. It was clear he and Gwen wanted one another and Owen was once again quite right, they really needed to get on with it or get over it and in his current mood Ianto didn't care which. Part of him wondered if Rhys had any idea and all he could feel for the man was sympathy.

It shocked him that he had come to this resigned acceptance of his situation. He had always been raised to believe that relationships were meant to last and to mean something and it bothered him deeply just how much Torchwood stripped all of his values away one by one. It concerned him that somehow over the last weeks..... since that year in fact, he had stopped caring. He loved Jack, deeply so, but was tired of the emotional tug of war that was a companion piece to being Jack's 'bit on the side'. It was Jack's way of course. Ianto didn't doubt Jack's feelings, but Jack's ideas about love were wholly different to his. Some days, like today Torchwood was just too much. Some days Ianto craved ordinary things, like the supermarket, going to the dentist and sitting in the library reading. Perhaps it was time to quit, accept the Retcon and just go. Ianto knew he never would and part of him resented Jack for that and more worrisome was the fact that he had resigned himself to it.

Ianto glanced at the clock on the beside cabinet, 3:46am, he sighed indulgently and rolled over burying his face in his pillows trying unsuccessfully to allow sleep to steal him away.


	7. Chapter 7

**PART SEVEN**

The whole team had been edgy for days. 48 hours of time unaccounted for was worrying everyone, leaving them feeling exposed and vulnerable. Jack had done his level best to solve the mystery but he and Tosh had failed to retrieve the erased logs and so they had to content themselves with the hope that no one had done anything bad or stupid during that time. What irked Jack the most was the feeling he was missing something for more fundamental than time, it was an itch he desperately wanted to scratch. Frustratingly Ianto was still being distant and Jack was wholly aware of how much the younger man had gone back into his quiet little shell, gliding about the Hub like a ghost. Ianto was also looking positively ragged around the edges, his pale face sombre with dark circles under his eyes. Owen, Tosh and Gwen seemed to get over the mystery pretty quickly, putting it down to one of those odd Torchwood moments to be consigned to a conversation in the pub over a pint in months to come. Slowly things got back to normal, well mostly anyway.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ianto sat hunched over the bar nursing his double Vodka and coke. Once again he had fled the Hub as soon as he could possibly get away with it and instead of going home he'd ended up in his local pub, perched on a bar stool and downing vodka. He had never felt so rattled. The missing time had been swept under the carpet by the rest of the team and Ianto simply could not let it rest. His sleep was plagued with nightmares of murder and screaming and the only sense of peace he could find came from a bottle. He knew he'd done something and each night since he had sat in this bar gazing about and drinking himself into oblivion. He'd avoided Jack, had done since the business with the whale in the warehouse and he tried to tell himself that he wasn't jealous when he was. None of it mattered now.......

A woman sitting in the corner of the pub by the window, caught his eye. She was blonde, probably his own age, with a fag hanging between painted lips. Ianto winced in disgust at the short skirt and thin heels of her knee length boots. She alternated between tapping out a text on her mobile and sipping a drink and dragging on her cigarette. Ianto watched from over the rim of his glass as she stubbed out the fag she shouldn't have been smoking inside. She slugged the last of her drink and left the pub. A moment later and Ianto was following her, his hands shoved into the pockets of his dark woollen coat. Her heels clacked on the tarmac, her hand bag bounced against her hip. Ianto kept his distance, sticking to the shadows cast by the streetlamps. He didn't understand what had gotten into him, but he needed to pursue as she rounded a corner into an alley that snaked between two rows of terraces. He could feel his heart thumping against his rib cage as adrenalin pulsed through him and Ianto turned into the alley in her wake. The woman halted, sensing that she was not alone and Ianto froze for a moment a thrill of excitement hitching his breath. She started walking again, and Ianto surged forwards on silent feet, his hands grabbing at hair and covering her mouth, pulling her back. She resisted, but it was nothing as Ianto spun her round and slammed her against a fence, crushing her body with his own. An overwhelming powerful urge he did not understand suddenly flooded fourth and his hands were at her throat. Her eyes, wide with terror, her mouth opened to scream, but the sound hitched into a gagging burble. She bunched her fists, pounding and grasping at his vicelike grip on her life and Ianto pressed down harder into her flesh, grinning as he throttled. Their eyes met and Ianto looked into her terror. It hit him like a jolt of electricity and he staggered back letting her go and she sank to the floor choking, and clutching at her neck. Ianto collapsed, his knees crashing into the piss stained alley and gasped shallow breaths like a fish out of water. Finally he lunged to his feet and ran away into the night.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The phone call came at 3:16 am. Jack was walking back to the Hub from some random girl's flat. He had needed to unwind and Ianto clearly wasn't interested in continuing their somewhat dubious affair. Jack was surprised to discover how much that hurt, things had not exactly gone well between them since he had returned from 'that year'. It seemed to him that they talked less and less and when they were alone together the time was always taken up with sex or sleeping. Something had been lost along the way and after the whale fiasco Jack realised that maybe the distance between them was insurmountable. However, it was only after they had lost that 2 days that Jack had started to worry. He wanted to resolve things with Ianto, at least so that they could be civil to one another, but something more sinister seemed to be simmering beneath Ianto's stoic, bland expression. Truth was, Jack found himself missing the younger man's company and not just in his bed. Jack huffed out a sigh when his mobile started to ring. It was Ianto. Smiling Jack answered.

"Hey, there......."

"_Jack, help me.... please."_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He found Ianto huddled up in the bathroom of his flat, jammed up against the wall between the bath and the sink basin. He was shocked to discover him looking haunted and wild eyed and as Jack knelt beside him, he half wondered if Ianto had been taking drugs. Ianto was stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, shivering, his knees pulled into his chest. His breathing was rapid and shallow. Jack reached out a hand to touch his forehead but Ianto lurched backwards cracking the back of his skull against the tiled wall. He gaped at Jack with frenzied eyes.

"What did I do Jack? What did I do?"

Jack frowned at the question and plumped for trying to be comforting.

"Ianto, come on. Lets get you out of here. Come on." He said gently grasping at Ianto's arm. Ianto immediately pulled it back.

"What did I do?" He demanded again, almost screaming.

Jack shrugged, suddenly very worried. "I don't know what you are talking about Ianto. Have you been drinking?" It was obvious he had, though Jack was certain he wasn't drunk, as his eyes held total clarity.

Ianto wrung his hands. "I did something bad Jack, I must've done. You.... I.... I'm a monster. A murderer."

"Ianto what are you talking about?" Once again Jack tried to touch him, but the hand was slapped away.

"Don't Jack. You have to lock me up, kill me, anything, just don't let me hurt anyone else, please don't!" Tears stream over Ianto's face and Jack searched his eyes.

"Ianto, listen to me. I do not know what you are talking about."

Ianto stared at him and Jack baulked at the terror there in those beautiful blue depths. "Ianto, talk to me."

"I murdered those women, that's why our memories are gone. Jack, what did I do? Did I kill them? I don't know. I nearly did it again. I nearly strangled this girl and I am......Oh God what am I Jack? What have I done?" By now Ianto was hysterical and Jack did the only thing he could think of. He grabbed Ianto firmly and yanked him into an embrace. Ianto clung to his great coat and Jack held him tightly with one arm trapping him whilst he dialled Owen's phone number, a sinking feeling in his gut.

**AN: Yeah sorry I'm being mean to Ianto again.........To Be Continued....**


	8. Chapter 8

**PART EIGHT**

Owen thanked whatever God there was that he kept a spare set of keys to all his team mates flats and houses. With med bag slung over his shoulder he stormed into Ianto's home calling out Jack's name at the top of his voice.

"In here!"

Owen passed the lounge, noticing a scattering of abandoned pill packets on the carpet, he paused for a moment then continued on finding his boss on the bathroom floor cuddling a whimpering Tea Boy in his arms.

"What the fuck's going on?" Owen knelt down beside them, suddenly aware of the grey tinge to Ianto's sweat sheened skin. "Jack how long has he been like this?"

"I'm not sure. I got here about twenty minutes ago. He was hysterical."

Owen was feeling for a pulse and he cursed when he found it slow and thready he gripped Ianto's chin to get a better look at his face.

"Shit. I'm calling an Ambulance, I think he's O D'ed on something." Owen lurched to his feet. "Get him into the recovery position, Jack." Yanking his phone out from the pocket of his jeans Owen stomped back through to the lounge to check out what he'd seen on the floor. The antidepressants that he himself had prescribed shortly after the Lisa incident. He made the call.

Jack carefully eased Ianto down onto the tiled floor, the young man's head lolling slightly. Owen was back a few moments later, pulling things out of his med bag.

"They'll be here soon. I think he's taken Amitriptyline."

Jack edged back, out of Owen's way. "Is that bad?"

Owen nodded. "Depends on how much and how long ago. Did you two have a fight or something?"

Jack arched his eyebrows but realised now was not the time to get sarcastic as he watched Owen get a line into the back of Ianto's hand. The pulse and respirations were checked again and then Owen was looking into his eyes.

"Shit. Jack there's a portable defibrillator in my car, go and get it, now!" Owen tossed his keys and Jack caught them. Owen rolled Ianto onto his back and tipped his head back, resting his cheek under Ianto's nose. There was the very faintest movement of air. He turned to his back and pulled out the small O2 pack and secured the mask over Ianto's face. Ianto's eyelids fluttered and he mumbled incoherently, trying to offer up some resistance. The effort was pathetic. Jack came back, placing another bag at Owen's side.

"I left the door open for the paramedics."

Owen nodded. "What did he say to you?"

Jack squatted on the floor and grasped Ianto's right hand in his left.

"He rang me, about an hour ago, he was screaming for help, over the phone. When I got here he was huddled over there crying and shouting something about some murders, kept asking me what he had done. While I was calming him down I rang you."

Owen looked at his watch. "So anytime between getting home from work and an hour ago is when he took the drugs."

"That would make sense."

Owen winced. "Shit, he smells like he's been drinking too. I wonder how much."

"Bad combination?"

Owen nodded. "Very." He looked back down at Ianto, whose chest was still rising and falling too shallowly to be good. Ianto was muttering into the mask, but neither Jack or Owen could understand him as he had reverted to Welsh. The paramedics arrived and ten minutes later Ianto was on his way to hospital with Owen following behind in his car.

Jack stood in Ianto's lounge, looking over the discarded medicine wrappers and the half finished bottle of red wine, the remaining contents having spilled out over the thick pile. The adrenalin stopped surging and he sagged on to the couch trying his best to keep tears of frustration and hurt at bay. He needed to get to the bottom of this and it worried him, what Ianto had told him in his despair, a despair so heartfelt he had turned to taking his own life. It all came down to that missing time. Something had transpired and somehow Ianto was able to remember some elements of those illusive events. Jack was desperate to know, but equally reluctant if what Ianto had told him, turned out to be true. He had no idea how to proceed. It was unlikely that he had authorised the use of Retcon and the extreme measure of disappearing 48 hours just to protect Ianto from the act of murder. He leant back on the couch and gazed about the impersonal room, Ianto's home. There was nothing visible to indicate who lived here. Jack sighed, he simply couldn't believe that Ianto was a murderer and his gut tightened with the creeping sensation of déjà vue. It was clear that Ianto believed that he had done something terrible. He was already weighed down with the survivor's guilt from Canary Wharf and his failure to take down Saxon in 'that year'.

Whatever had happened over that two days, Jack instinctively knew that he couldn't take the risk of remembering. He wasn't even sure why, but he knew never to ignore his gut feelings. However, Ianto had to be dealt with, though Jack having come full circle in his thinking was still no closer to deciding what he needed to do. It could well be academic, Ianto would be lucky to survive the night, according to Owen.

The following morning the team gathered in the conference room. Owen was looking tired but he had done as Jack ordered and not mentioned anything to the girls. Gwen and Tosh were both looking around for Ianto and coffee heaven when Jack strode into the room with a distinctly pensive look on his face. Owen leaned back in his chair and folded his arms and Tosh and Gwen exchanged puzzled frowns.

"Jack, where's Ianto?" Tosh asked.

Jack sat down and clasped his hands resting them on the table.

"Ianto's in hospital. He was taken ill late last night."

"What's wrong with him?"

Jack looked at them and then to Owen, who gave nothing back.

"He took an overdose of pills. Owen had to send for an ambulance. He's in intensive care."

Tosh's hand went to her mouth.

"Oh. Have his family been contacted?" Gwen asked.

Jack shook his head. "Not yet. Gwen I'm hoping you'll see to that. Don't give any details, just inform his sister what happened and where he is."

Gwen nodded.

"Is he going to be alright?" Tosh faced Owen who shrugged.

"Too early to tell, he took a lot of Amitriptyline with alcohol. I think we got to him in time, but we'll just have wait and see."

"Why Jack? Why did he do it?"

This time it was Jack's turn to shrug, but he knew he had to tell the others some of what was going on.

"He seems convinced he did something very bad during that missing time. There's no evidence to suggest that he did, I've checked, very thoroughly so I am reluctant to go into details until Ianto is conscious and able to tell me more. Suffice it to say we carry on with our jobs as normal. So, does anyone have anything else to report?"

The others shook their heads. "Ok, get back to work."

Owen and Gwen immediately piled out of the room, but Tosh hung back waiting for them to leave before speaking.

"You should be at the hospital Jack, you know Ianto loves you, don't you?"

The colour drained from his face.

"What?"

Tosh chewed at her lip for a moment. "He loves you. You need to be there when he wakes up." Tosh gathered up her two folders and hugged them to her chest. "I know he's been distant Jack. I've been watching him. He's gone quiet again lately, ever since you had that 'discussion' with Gwen about Retconning Rhys. I don't claim to know what's going on between you, but I do see that Ianto is drifting. We don't look after one another enough and you are the only person he opens up to. Don't let him down again." She turned and left, leaving Jack to swallow down his guilt.

That evening Jack walked to St David's Hospital. When he arrived at the ITU there was a woman he did not recognise sitting at Ianto's bedside. She was chatting away to his unconscious form in Welsh. Jack assumed it was his sister and decided not to interrupt. Instead he left and went to find a decent cup of coffee. He ended up at a Cafe Nero over a mile away from the hospital and he sat on the corner couch hunched over a triple espresso. It was no where near as good as Ianto's, but it would have to do.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Some of you may recognise the pinched quote.... shame on you if don't.... lol.**

**Was in serious need of some sentimentality but it isn't too slushy.... I hope!**

**PART NINE**

_There was undoubtedly a battle going on inside his head. In front of him was the boardroom table and there laid out on top were piles of folders, all neatly stacked and top most file on each stack was clearly labelled. Ianto surveyed them with an arched eyebrow. His life had come to this, files, reports and categories, all his neuroses set out before him. He chanced a glance out of the window to look over the Hub, but the lights were off and everything was dark so his attention went back to the folders. He picked up the nearest top one and studied the word printed in black, stark letters across the top._

"_LIAR"_

_Shakily he put it down, aligning it precisely with the rest of the pile. He realised he was going to be here for a long time if he was to plough through this lot._

"_MURDERER"_

_He ran the tips of his fingers over the top of it, unwilling to look inside._

"_SURVIVOR"_

_He stared down at this one, his most guilty act, 1200 people dead, 27 alive and not so well. He chewed at his lower lip and picked this one up and opened it, the number glared back at him and then below it the list of names, dead and missing in alphabetical order. He read the list remembering faces and friendships long gone. Sighing heavily he finally put the folder back, leaving it open. Two years and this was still over shadowing him in much the same way that his father's death still hung over him like a veil. And those women, three nameless women that hid there in the back of his memory and yes, he did remember them like half ghosts that haunted his conscience. He had no idea who they were, could not remember their names or the smell of them or the sounds of them, just his hands at their pretty throats, but even that wasn't certain. Not like the rest. Not like James Packer who had worked at the desk next to his, constantly chewing pencils, or Sian Watts who used to watch his arse as he stood at the coffee machine on his break whispering to Lisa. These three murder victims were just insubstantial whispers that he did not understand but feared._

_Ianto turned to another folder._

"_BETRAYER"_

_He open the folder without bothering to pick it up and Jack's face stared right back at him with those beautiful oceanic, hurting eyes. Ianto had sworn to himself a long time ago that he would die for this man. No matter how much everything hurt and he knew it would, it did. Hurt and Jack Harkness were constants like the universe itself. Without thinking he found himself touching the image tenderly. This was worth living for, wasn't it? Ianto wasn't sure anymore._

_He knew he could stay here in this room, mulling over his catalogue of failures. He could just as easily turn out this last light, or choose to walk out of the door and face the real demons of his life. It was nice in the room, warm and quiet, even his mind was quiet in here.........._

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack arrived back at the hospital at midnight. On entering the ITU he waved his ID and the nurse quietly directed him to Ianto's now vacant beside. It was somewhat daunting being confronted by the machinery, steadily beeping and whirring. He sat down and searched out Ianto's left hand and grasped it, surprised by how cold it was. Ianto's chest rose and fell at mechanically regulated intervals and Jack couldn't help but wonder at the irony of him being kept alive by a piece of technology. The young man, though wired and tubed looked strangely peaceful and Jack realised he had never seen him look that way. Part of him began to wonder if Ianto wouldn't be better off staying where ever it was he was currently residing. He wondered if it was that same null space he found himself in, every time he died. Jack could well understand the need to remain there. He himself had gained his moments of serene clarity in that space, unfortunately it was never long enough; he was always snatched back too soon. He gently rubbed circles over the back over Ianto's hand with his thumb.

"What are you seeing in there Jones, Ianto Jones?" he whispered. Part of him envied the young man the chance to rest like this, to find some peace. "Are you going to come back to us, I wonder. I wouldn't blame you one bit if you didn't. You have to know Ianto, you didn't hurt anyone. I know you, it's not in your nature to hurt people, you just wouldn't, it goes against everything that you are. You have to trust me, even if you can't trust yourself. I believe in you. Perhaps I do not make that clear enough. You are a good and decent man and you always try to do the right thing, please believe me when I tell you that."

Jack leaned back in the plastic chair and gazed about the room, it was a remarkably calming place to be, strange considering the nature of the place. His eyes drifted back to Ianto.

"You know, I am rubbish at this. I don't really know what to say to you. Tosh told me that you love me. I hope that isn't true Ianto, you'll only end up getting hurt and like I said to Gwen. I am not worth it. I can't give you anything. It's not that I don't want to, you are the reason why I came back to this place. You deserve a better life Ianto and I know you've lost sight of that, you mustn't let me or Torchwood define who you are.... though I think I'm a little late telling you that. Of course, that's because I need you by my side, I trust you. You have to make a choice. I hope for my sake that you wake up and come back to me, I've missed you recently and I am sorry I have let things between us drift. For your sake perhaps staying where you are aint such a bad thing. What is it they say? The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long....... You have burned so very brightly Ianto, illuminated my darkness and I know you'll moan at me for pinching movie quotes, but hey, it's a good one. I'll wait up for you." Jack squeezed the still hand once again then rose to his feet and gently placed a lingering kiss to Ianto's forehead.

"I'll wait up for you."


	10. Chapter 10

**PART TEN**

There was no one there when Ianto woke up. Somehow he wasn't surprised, after all what else could he expect? Torchwood were always busy saving the world and his sister had three kids to man handle the biggest one being her husband. He blinked at the ceiling and just lay there waiting........

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He received a subdued, but no less enthusiastic greeting from his team mates when he came back into work. Owen ordered him straight down to the autopsy bay for an examination and Jack came down there as well having sent Gwen and Tosh out to look into a minor Rift spike out at Penarth. Tosh was wholly aware it was a ruse to get them out of the way for a couple of hours, it was clear that Jack didn't want Ianto overwhelmed on his first day back even though Tosh wanted nothing more than to give Ianto a hug. She gathered up her bag and coat and followed Gwen out of the Hub.

Ianto sat himself on the exam couch and removed his tie and jacket so Owen could take his blood pressure. Owen had already checked him over the day before at home, declaring him physically fit for work and Ianto wondered why he was being subjected to this routine again, but he said nothing. Jack hung about to his left looking somewhat awkward as he exchanged a look with Owen that did not go unnoticed by Ianto.

"Are you two going to tell me or do I have to guess?"

Owen took hold of his arm and secured the BP Cuff. "I'm recommending you see a clinical psychologist. I know you won't talk to one, you didn't last time so you are going to have counselling sessions with me instead."

Ianto's eyebrows shot up and he swung his head to gape at Jack. "Was this your idea, sir?"

Jack folded his arms and assumed a defensive posture. "No, but I am ordering you to comply, otherwise I am going to have to take you off duty. You need help Ianto; you tried to kill yourself ten days ago, you are lucky not to have brain damage."

Owen smirked. "Who says he hasn't."

Jack glared.

Owen wrote something down on his chart and removed the cuff as he spoke. "Look, Ianto we just don't want you to feel that there is no other option, I mean what you did was extreme. You have to trust us to help you. I'm your doctor, anything you tell me will be in the strictest confidence."

Ianto looked from one to the other again and slumped his shoulders. He finally nodded resigning himself to his fate.

"Alright."

Jack and Owen both heaved out audible sighs of relief.

"I need to ask you something Ianto. The night you took the overdose, what happened?"

Ianto reached over and grabbed his tie, needing the action of securing it in place to ground him.

"I had too much to drink for a start, you know I can't handle it. I kept remembering things that I didn't understand, like dreams. I don't know Jack, I just got up and followed this girl out of the pub and then I tried to kill her. Suddenly something just snapped in me and I realised what I was doing. I let her go and ran home. I can't remember much else."

Jack and Owen were both watching him closely.

"Look, Ianto we have no way of knowing what happened during that missing period, you told me that you remembered killing someone. I've checked, thoroughly and nothing was flagged, no murders, no missing persons reports, the only reported incident was from the woman you let go the night you overdosed. Owen and I have discussed this at great length and both agree that you would not hurt anyone unless it was out of self defence, and even then you're reluctant. If either of us had any doubts I would've Retconned you back so far you'd forget how to speak Welsh......" Jack shoved his hands into his pockets. "What I am saying is, we trust you, you need to trust yourself, but if it helps we will be watching and if at any time you are not sure of yourself, you say so. Can you do that?"

Ianto looked directly at him and nodded. "Yes, Jack." He sounded relieved to Jack's ears.

"Good, now for the sake of not over dramatising your return, can you please make me some coffee and bring it up to my office, we have things to discuss. Owen is there anything you want to add?"

"Yes." Owen gave Ianto a stern look. "You are a tosser, let me just make that clear. Next time you feel the urge to off yourself, talk to me first. The paperwork is a fucking nightmare! Your first chat session will be this evening at 6pm, Rift permitting, don't be late!"

Ianto slid off the exam couch and pulled on his jacket, he wasn't in the least bit happy about the situation, but he knew that Jack and Owen were actually trying to help him. He graciously smiled at Owen.

"I'll bring coffee and biscuits."

Owen patted his back. "We understand each other perfectly, but it's not a date Ianto, that's what he's for!" He gestured to Jack and Ianto dipped his head with embarrassment. Jack decided it was probably time he headed back to his office. Owen waited until he was out of earshot before speaking again. He reached out a hand and grasped Ianto by the wrist firmly, pulling him round so that they were properly facing one another. Ianto was about to protest.

"Look Ianto, I know you and I are not the best of mates, but I'd like to think that we are mates and I promise you, any time you need to talk, or go out and pissed or anything...... You've been through some rough shit and none of us have really understood that or helped you deal with it. I know I'm a twat, you're a twat.... we've got that in common at least."

Ianto looked down at his hand and then at his face and was surprised to see genuine compassion there.

"Thank's Owen."

Owen nodded and released Ianto's arm.

"Not a word to the girls mind, I've a bad arse reputation to uphold."

Ianto shook his head with a smile. "I'll get the coffee on then!"

"Good plan, Tea Boy!"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Twenty minutes later and Ianto tentatively entered jack's office with a mug of Kenyan and a plate of chocolate Hob Nobs. He placed them on Jack's messy desk, careful to avoid the paperwork, but unable to find the coaster for his mug. Jack gestured for him to sit. Ianto took the chair and rested his hands on his lap. He watched as Jack's eyes closed in bliss on his first sip of coffee.

"God, I missed that."

Ianto offered up a faint smile.

Jack lowered the mug. "Right. Ok, we have a guest arriving tomorrow morning. She's from UNIT and going to be helping on this new case that's come up. I was planning on putting her in a hotel, but with the Rugby and some big concert in the Millennium Centre there's no rooms. I was wondering if she could have your spare room for the duration?"

Ianto nodded. "She doesn't mind cats does she?"

Jack shrugged. "I've no idea, can't say we've discussed cats before. Ianto..... its Martha Jones, Dr Martha Jones."

Jack watched the puzzled frown on Ianto's face morph into slow comprehension.

"As in, the Martha Jones, Saxon's enemy number three?"

Jack nodded. "You ok with that?"

"Of course Jack, she'd be more than welcome. Does she remember?"

Another sip of coffee was taken. "Yes, she does, you two didn't meet, did you?"

"No, we didn't. I heard about her so much, Saxon was livid every time she evaded capture, he really was afraid of her, you know." Ianto was surprised to see a wicked grin alight on Jack's face.

"That's my girl."

Ianto allowed Jack a moment to lose himself in some memory, before speaking.

"Was there anything else?"

Once again the mug was put down and Jack got to his feet and circled round the desk. He came to stop and perched his backside on the edge of it, right in front of Ianto. A cautious hand was held out and Ianto automatically took it, allowing Jack to entwine their fingers.

"You gonna be ok?"

Ianto nodded. "I will be Jack. I'm sorry I've caused so much trouble."

"Stop apologising. Just let me take care of you, once in a while. You've always been there for me. We've drifted and I know that's my fault......"

Ianto was shaking his head. "You don't owe me anything Jack."

"Yes, I do, more than you could possibly imagine."


	11. Chapter 11

**PART ELEVEN**

"So, Ianto. This is your chance to say all the things you ever wanted to say, but didn't have the guts, will or whatever it was. You can tell me what you like, talk about anything. The CCTV is off and no one will disturb us for the next hour unless the alarms go off."

"........ Right.............. I don't know what to say."

"You keep looking at your hands, or your feet, you hardly ever look up, why is that?"

"........"

"Come on Ianto, it's not that hard. What's your favourite food?"

"Number 54."

"What?"

"Number 54, it's on the menu for the Chinese takeaway. I seem to eat that the most, so it must be my favourite."

"Right, ok. Do you always pick the same thing?"

"Yes, it's too complicated and too slow otherwise. I know exactly what I'm getting, though that's not strictly true because I don't know what the ingredients are."

"I see, not into variety then?"

"........"

"What about pudding?"

"Chocolate, dark delight from a little place in Germany, I add it to my coffee."

"So why is the coffee important?"

"Why are anaesthetics important?"

"Yeah, I get your point. So what's with suits?"

"I like to be tidy, is that relevant?"

"Could be, you are seriously OCD, so why the suits, really?"

"......."

"Don't chew your nails."

"Is there something wrong with being tidy?"

"No mate but those suits are expensive and you must have ruined loads of them in this job."

"I have, but I look....."

"Tidy, yeah I got that. It seems to me like you wear it like a uniform, like Jack with his period military."

"It was expected at Canary Wharf. Yvonne was quite particular. I have my suits made by Ronaldo, my Tad trained him. Before he lost his business he was a tailor. I suppose it reminds me of him."

"You miss your dad then?"

"Yes."

"What happened to him?"

"He died."

"Yes, Ianto I got that, but how?"

"His heart, he was heart broken, he lost his shop and had to work in a department store and he hated it. I try to remember him when he was happy, when I was younger, before that time when he was broken."

"Look mate, I know this is hard, going over all this stuff. You haven't talked to anyone have you?"

"Not really. I've told Jack a few things but he doesn't need me........"

"What makes you say that?"

"......."

"Come on Ianto."

"He has everything. He's strong, intelligent, self assured, good looking. I don't know why he kept me on, after Lisa. I was expecting to be dead or at the very least Retconned."

"Is that what you want?"

"Sometimes, I just want to rest. I can't though. This job makes you realise your place in the universe. I'm irrelevant, we all are, except Jack."

"Are you envious of that?"

"No. I would not wish Jack's curse on my worst enemy. Everything will die for him, everyone he ever meets, loves..... I can't imagine how much that must hurt. I know how much it hurts me and this is only one lifetime. How does someone live like that and not go mad?"

"So, back to you, tell me about the rest of your family."

"My Mam, she and I do not speak, haven't done since Tad died. I have a sister, Rhiannon. We've grown apart, her husband is a bit of a loser, though his heart is good and they have a son and a daughter. I don't see them much, I don't want them to be contaminated by Torchwood, because that's what it does. It infects your life like a disease, like cancer. I love this job, but it's not for families."

"Gwen and Rhys seem to be doing ok."

"Huh."

"Do I detect a hint of resentment there?"

"She's...... she lies and she cheats and Rhys deserves better. I don't blame her, its Torchwood, it's Jack..... symptoms of the disease. Gwen would have been better off staying in the police force."

"So, what you're jealous?"

"No..... yes...... not like you think, not because of Jack, no....... It's me. I could have had that life with Lisa, I was looking forward to it, she and I were good together and I miss her so much some days. I know I'll never have that again........."

"But you and Jack?"

"It's sex Owen, comfort, frustration, boredom and laziness. It's easy, there's no need to look further for gratification. What do you call it? Fuck buddies? Though we're not even that these days. I want more and he can't give me more and I don't blame him. Any relationship with him is always going to end badly. Why am I even telling you this?"

"It's called counselling Ianto. I told you, this is in confidence. You can say whatever you like!"

"When I disappeared for that month..... A whole year really did pass by. Jack and I both lived through it. A paradox. I remember it and I got a lot of people killed including you and Tosh. I saw the world almost come to an end. I've escaped death so many times, I feel like God is keeping me alive to torment me. A punishment."

"God, you believe in God?"

"You sound surprised."

"I am."

"My parents were Methodists, but I chose Catholicism. Mam was furious with me, but Tad said it didn't matter, so long as I didn't lose my faith. I thought I'd stopped believing after ..... after Canary Wharf.... but I just hated God instead and tried to deny my faith, I mean being angry isn't the same as not believing, is it."

"You had every right to be angry Ianto, there's no harm in that. I was angry when Katie died. I suppose I was lucky being able to direct that at Jack. He was something tangible that I could punch."

"I wasn't angry because I lost every one. I was angry because I survived, because I could remember, because of the night mares and because I knew deep down Lisa was gone. I just refused to accept what I knew and there was no way I could put her down myself. Everything I touch gets broken or dies."

"You really believe that?"

"......."

"Ianto?"

"........"

"Come on mate, that isn't true. It's stupid to think that. Me and Tosh are still here. Your sister and her family are here. Look at it this way. You work for a cool organisation, catching aliens, you make the best damn coffee on the planet, you're the best dressed alien catcher on the planet and you have a pet dinosaur..... I mean Harry fucking Potter or what?!! Do you have any idea how uncool James Bond is by comparison?"

"Not Sean Connery."

"Ok, I'll give you that. But Daniel Craig.... eat your heart out... Jones, Ianto Jones special agent."

"That makes Tosh 'Q' and Jack... well Miss Moneypenny for sure and You would have to be 'M' and Gwen would be the token girl in the swimsuit."

"Yeah...... walking up the beach out of the surf, low slung bikini........"

"Owen, just whose fantasy is this?"

"!"

"Tosh'd look pretty hot in the bikini too, with a utility belt and holsters."

"Tomb Raider...... Cor blimey Ianto."

"Yeah......"

"Uhhh hum. Right ok..... calm down. I think we'll halt things there, for now, same time tomorrow?"

"Ok.... yes..... Will it help?"

"Give yourself time Ianto. You've had a lot of things to process and the truth we should have done this a long time ago. I should have done this...... I'm sorry I let you down."

"Don't apologise Owen. I never wanted to be helped, I still don't and I know that's my problem really. Thank you."

"No problem mate."


	12. Chapter 12

**PART TWELVE**

"Will you be ok if I ordered in take outs for tonight, Martha?"

She grinned from her place in the kitchen doorway as she watched Ianto prepare her a mug of hot chocolate, with real chocolate, she noted.

"You don't have to spoil me."

"Oh yes he does." Jack's voice came from the lounge but he arrived at her side a moment later with a handful of leaflets.

"The Bosphoros is nice, they do really good, Greek and Turkish food. Ianto what are you having?"

"I don't mind, surprise me. No garlic though."

Jack did a double take and smiled. "You trust me that much?"

Ianto turned and handed Martha a mug of what she later discovered was pure heaven.

"Yes, Jack, now if you'll both excuse me I'm going to get a shower and get changed. Martha, please feel free to treat this as your home. Jack will show you where everything is so long as he makes certain I am not in the shower when he shows you the bathroom. Anything you need, just ask."

"Thanks Ianto."

She and Jack watched him leave then Martha smiled wickedly at Jack. "He's the one, isn't he? The one you told me about?"

Jack offered up a leer. "Yeah, gorgeous isn't he?"

She followed him into the sparse lounge and both of them got comfy on the ratty couch.

"Jack, he's adorable..... but he looks sad. I'd always imagined you being with someone much louder than him...... God this drink is divine."

Jack stretched and toed off his boots. "One of his many talents. You think he looks sad?"

Martha lowered her mug momentarily wondering if she'd spoken out of turn, but this was Jack, she knew she could say anything to him. "Trouble in paradise?"

The menus got relegated to the coffee table. "He's had a difficult time. He remembers that year Martha, the same as we do. He was on board the Valiant when the Doc reversed the paradox."

"It couldn't have been worse than what you went through. Tish told me what Saxon did to you."

Jack reached out and squeezed her hand. "Martha, I've lived through enough in my life.... it has enabled me to handle things a little better..... well some things anyway. I'm no stranger to brutality and violence. I'm not saying it was easy, but at the end of it I had you and the Doc to help fix me and I had time to heal. Ianto did not. He's seen too much, even before that year and no one has been there to help him pick up the pieces......"

"You were there though, weren't you?"

Jack shook his head. "It's complicated. Ianto is complicated, frustrating, annoying, beautiful........ I let him down Martha. He tried taking his own life 12 days ago. I should've seen it coming, but somehow things between us just started to slip through my fingers."

"We can't always get it right Jack. Do you love him?"

Martha saw straight away the dark look in his eyes. "If I love him.......I'll lose him Martha, the same as I'll lose you and even the Doctor. One day, if he lives that long he'll see himself older than me and he'll resent it... don't..... people always do. I have a daughter who won't speak to me for that very reason. One way or another I'll lose him."

Her fingers curled around his. "Do you love him?"

"Yes, but don't tell him that. He's got enough on his plate right now."

"It's all that matters in the end Jack."

He offered up a faint smile, which did nothing to reassure her. "I wish it was, I really do."

A long silence settled between them and Martha snuggled into Jack's side and sipped on her drink.

"So, tell me about Tom."

"He's bloody fantastic. I met him during that year and I decided to look him up, the Doctor was never going to be what I wanted him to be and, well you know sometimes you just have to follow your instincts. I've never been happier Jack, the UNIT post means I can talk aliens and Tom doesn't have to deal with that side of my life. It really is wonderful."

"I'm pleased for you, you'll bring him over here to meet us sometime."

"I'd like that, and you and Ianto should come and stay with us."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ianto sat at the boardroom table and waited for Owen. Martha was just getting herself settled into her room at the Pharm so they had decided that this would be the perfect time for another counselling session. Ianto would have cheerfully forgone the option, but Jack had been within ear shot when Owen suggested it so he had not refused, having promised to make an effort. He vaguely wondered what on Earth had possessed him to tell Martha that he and Jack were 'dabbling'. She was sure to say something to Jack later and that would be all kinds of embarrassing. Shit. He had to privately admit that he liked Martha an awful lot........

"Oi Tea Boy, where's the coffee and cakes?"

Owen plonked himself down and gawped at the empty spot on the table. Ianto shrugged.

"Shall we?"

Owen dove straight in. "How do you feel about Martha being here?"

Ianto was rather surprised at the question. "She's nice. I like her, she has a much better bedside manner than you do."

"Cheeky git! How have you been feeling the last couple of days?"

Ianto looked like he was having to think about it. "Mentally or physically?"

"Both, start with physical."

"I'm tired and I still have a head ache. I still feel nervous, like I need to keep looking over my shoulder, but there's also this feeling of having missed something really important. It's like one of those dreams you have the day before you go on holiday, where you've lost your passport and plane tickets."

"Are you sleeping?"

"A little, I got a couple of hours last night, but then I had another nightmare about those women."

"Was it the same dream?"

"................ Not exactly."

"Go on."

".................."

"It's ok Ianto.... look mate I was dreaming about Tosh Tomb Raider last night... come on, tell me."

"....I was following her, just like the other times. But Jack was with me, egging me on and waving my diary in my face. When the woman turned round it was Lisa and I had my hands on her throat and she choked to death and then Jack helped me hide body in a skip and then when I looked at him he sort of merged into a another face..... It was Harold Saxon and he was laughing at me....... that's when I woke up."

"What made you wake up?"

".......I... er."

"Ianto, you can tell me. I said in confidence, I meant it."

"Actually it was Martha and Jack. I went to bed straight after we had dinner, I was so tired and I assumed that she and Jack would want to catch up. Jack said I was screaming."

"Is this what happens every time you have a nightmare?"

"Pretty much. I usually wake myself up, because I fall out of bed or my legs get caught in the sheets."

"Doesn't Jack wake you?"

"We haven't been together that much lately and I tend not to hang around for a nap afterwards."

"Why is that?"

"Why is what?"

"Why don't you hang around?"

"Is that relevant?"

"Ianto, you obviously love the bloke, why don't you stay?"

"He doesn't need me."

"Why do you say that?"

"This is Jack you're talking about. He doesn't need any of us. I don't want him to think that I'm being possessive or needy."

"Don't you have a right to have needs Ianto?"

"Jack has enough to deal with."

"I'm not counselling Jack. So come on, what about your needs?"

"I'm fine."

"Do you seriously expect me to believe that?"

"........................."

"Ianto?"

"..............................."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack inspected his freshly cleaned Webley as Owen finished speaking.

"So, what did Ianto say to that?"

His medic was looking distinctly sour faced.

"Nothing, he got up and left the room faster than a whippet with a stick of dynamite up its arse."

Jack sighed. "It's early days Owen."

"Yeah, I know. I just didn't realise he had such a low opinion of himself."

"Do you think I've made him feel that way?"

Owen shrugged. "You're larger than life Jack, you're a flirt and everybody flirts back, well almost. Ianto may be jealous, but it's not something that easy to publicly admit to for the best of us. I think it's something for more fundamental, he's lost a lot and I suspect has never received any kind of support, like when his dad died. I'm not a shrink Jack, but Ianto suffers from depression which on the whole looks like it has gone untreated. He certainly didn't take the prescription I gave him after Lisa, until he took the over dose that is. Torchwood One was not exactly a healthy place to work. Yvonne's regime generated all kinds paranoia amongst her staff as we know and then there's that weird year that you and he remember......."

"Yeah, ok I get the picture. Do you think we should Retcon him and cut him loose?"

"What?"

"Well, would it be better for him?"

Owen fervently shook his head more than taken aback by the idea. "Absolutely not. It's one thing to wipe two days, but you're talking about almost 4 years of memory. He'd end up with in a much worse mess than he's in now. Jack he's talking, at long last. It's a start in the right direction. I'm going to medicate him as well, as soon as I know I can trust him with a packet of pills. Just be there when he needs you and try to be a bit more tuned in, ok?"

Jack nodded. "As his boss?"

"No Jack, as his..... whatever it is you two are."

**AN: Ok so we all know what's gonna happen to poor Owen soon and I think the counselling may just end up being a two way thing..... uhm.... no nothing like THAT! Thank you everybody for the reviews that's great!**


	13. Chapter 13

**PART THIRTEEN**

Jack glanced up relieved to see that Ianto was waiting in his office for him. He wandered up the steps neatly by passing Gwen as he went and he entered his office closing the door at his back. He could feel Gwen's gaze still on him through the glass. He offered up a faint smile to Ianto, just as the young man's fist connected with his jaw, slamming him back into the door. Rather stunned Jack glared up at him and wiped at the blood he could taste on his lip.

"What the fuck was that for?" He bellowed at the enraged Welshman.

"You selfish bastard Jack!" He screamed back catching sight of Gwen's horrified face through the window. Jack got to his feet readying himself for another blow, but it didn't come.

"You care to explain that?"

Ianto glowered at him. "Owen, you useless idiot. Why the hell did you do that? Twelve people are dead Jack and Owen is..... I don't know what the fuck he is, but he isn't human anymore. You selfish bastard." Ianto sank into the chair in front of Jack's desk and buried his face in his hands. "Jesus Jack, how could you be so thick?"

Jack stood there heaving ragged breaths in and out. "I'm sorry if it upsets your uptight sensibilities, but I wasn't ready to let him go without saying good bye."

"Bollocks Jack, all you wanted was that sodding alarm code......"

Ianto was wrenched up by his shoulders and shoved against the wall, Jack's face inches away from his own.

"Don't you dare! Don't you fucking dare. You of all people should understand...."

"He was already dead Jack. If you'd left well alone 12 other people would still be alive and Owen would not be that thing that is currently in our medical bay."

"What you think I should've not bothered to say good bye... or I should've not done anything. It's Owen we're talking about..... our friend."

Ianto shoved him back giving himself some space. "You don't see it, do you? You really don't? Jack that IS Owen, with the same needs and drives as any man and you have stripped away everything that enables him to meet those needs. He can't feel, he can't eat, he can't make love, he can't fucking do anything except think and speak. Owen is the most physical person I know. I wouldn't wish what he is on my worst enemy Jack, all because you thought you had more right to say good bye than the rest of us? What is wrong with you?"

Jack grabbed his shoulders and gripped them painfully. "You fucking hypocrite, after what you subjected Lisa to......"

"Exactly Jack! I learnt the hard way and you taught me, you just can't let it go can you? Not when it doesn't include you and your 'I can never die' bullshit. You're immortal Jack, learn to live with it in the same way that I have to accept the fact I am going to die and going to leave you behind." Ianto yanked himself free and strode over to the door, he turned before opening it. "When I die, you leave me dead. I should be dead now Jack, 4 times over and I am still here but don't ever make me like Owen." He left slamming the door which bounced back open. Ianto virtually ran out of the Hub pausing only for the cog door. Gwen watched him leave with her mouth hanging open and Martha having heard the commotion came up from the autopsy bay. Jack was standing at his door looking down at them, tears glistening on his cheeks.

"Martha would you go after Ianto and make sure he is ok?"

She nodded and left just as Owen came up the final step from his domain.

"What the hell was all the yelling about?"

Jack sighed, shaking his head he went back into his office and pointedly closed the door. Owen looked at Gwen for an explanation and she shrugged, thinking that Tosh was lucky to be having the day off.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What are you doing here Tea Boy?"

"Following your instructions, you're supposed to be giving me counselling sessions, so here I am for my appointment."

"What fucking use am I? What can I tellyou mate? Life's a pile of shit.... oh yeah, I forgot I'm dead already."

"You're still my doctor and you're still Owen Harper and quite frankly it's marginally better than talking to someone from the NHS, just."

"Tosser."

"Jack's the tosser, not me, you are too but you know that is what I think of you already. Can we dispense with the insults and get on with the counselling? I've got paperwork to do."

"Ianto, I'm dead..... D.E.A.D as in no longer alive, as in not breathing."

"You're still an obnoxious git though."

"Pot.... Kettle.... Black."

"....... I'm waiting."

"For what?"

"Counselling."

"Fuck's sake..... alright why did you punch Jack? He's really pissed about that you know."

"I was angry with him. He always thinks I'm just going to agree with everything he does."

"Ianto, you normally do..... what was different this time?"

"He was being selfish and not thinking like the leader of Torchwood."

"So him bringing me back was something you disagreed with?"

"No, he never intended for you to be like you are, but it was selfish of him to revive you."

"Yeah. I guess it was."

"You're still Owen though."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"I don't feel like me. I don't feel anything, not even an adrenalin rush, or the need to pee urgently or.... fuck. No I am not Owen anymore, just a carcass that speaks. I don't even know if I have B O anymore. I lift my arm and smell the pit and nothing happens because the air doesn't get sucked up my nose."

"I can honestly say that that isn't the kind of thing I'd expect you to miss."

"Early morning, post curry, hangover breath..... can't beat it!"

"Yep, you're definitely still Owen!"

"How so?"

"Because you really are disgusting."

"..........................."

".............................."

"What am I going to do Ianto?"

"Well, you're still my doctor, and our friend, and Torchwood's medical officer. I don't know Owen, still now you're not able to sleep there's no excuse for not getting your paperwork done properly."

"You really are a twat, what on Earth does Jack see in you?"

"Nothing. I'm just someone to fuck occasionally. You were right about that. There's nothing to see Owen, I'm just a sad little wall flower who does as he is told. Jack's lap dog."

"You know that isn't true."

"He's a selfish bastard."

"Yeah, so I heard. Jack's......."

"I'm sorry he forced this on you Owen."

"Don't blame him Ianto. I know he didn't intend this outcome and although as Tosh quite rightly pointed out, I've got some serious adjusting to do. At least I can do it with you guys around me, where weird is normal and I'm still Owen Harper and not some lab rat....... so...... why did you punch Jack?"

"Because he asked me.... no ordered me to kill Lisa...... she was everything I had and he ordered me to kill her."

"Yeah, not his finest hour."

"And I still fell in love with him, what does that make me Owen?"

"Human Ianto, only human."

".............................We're really screwed aren't we. I mean if aliens come to take over the world, we're screwed."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Coffee was just the only way forward really. He sat on his couch in his empty house and realised that he was going to miss Martha Jones more than he cared to admit. It had been nice having another person's presence in his home and Martha had been such a cheerful guest. Ianto hoped they'd see her again soon. He was contemplating the email on his lap. A job offer from UNIT. The worrying thing was, Ianto found himself seriously considering it. He sucked in a breath when he heard a key twist in his front door and Jack's footsteps as he entered the house.

"Ianto, you home?"

Jack breezed into the lounge and plonked himself down beside him.

"Yes, obviously. Of course you could be talking to a hologram or an apparition." There was no humour in his tone.

Jack leant back and sighed. "We need to talk."

"Yes, I suppose we do."

Jack spotted the email clutched in Ianto's hand and read it, twisting the corner of the page so he could see it clearly.

"Are you leaving?" The bitterness was obvious.

"No Jack. They offered. I didn't go looking if that's what you're asking." Ianto got to his feet and placed the paper on the coffee table.

"Are you staying for dinner?"

"I was hoping to."

"Then let me at least hang up that damn coat."

Jack stood up and slid off his armour, passing it to Ianto. "I'll make some fresh coffee, why don't you order something for us."

"Any preference?"

"No."

An hour later and the meal was eaten in silence. Ianto cleared away the dishes and then made more coffee. They sat with it on the couch in front of the BBC News at ten. Jack got fed up with it and found the remotes and muted it.

"So are we going to continue avoiding this conversation, because if we are I may as well go now."

Ianto put down his mug. "I am not going to apologise to you, if that is what you are expecting."

"I don't expect anything from you. I don't know what I am supposed to do or say anymore."

Ianto watched him for a moment, aware of the worry and sadness radiating from those impossibly blue eyes. He reached and took the mug from Jack's grasp setting it on the table beside his own. Without a word he climbed onto Jack's lap and threaded his fingers through his hair, gently grasping his head and pulling him into a tentative kiss. Without thinking Jack's hands went to Ianto's back, closing the distance between them, fingertips trailing down over cotton red and searching out buttons.

"Ianto, you sure you want us to do this?" Was breathed against soft lips.

"Just shut up and fuck me Jack."


	14. Chapter 14

**PART FOURTEEN**

_He was standing on the deserted Plas, the rain falling in gusts of icy wind from a gun metal grey sky. The cold water and wind had pervaded his pin stripes, leaving him chilled to the bone. Gulls cawed and arched on the air through the bitter weather, their mournful calls scattered against the winter. He looked up blinking the wetness out of his eyes, clouds churned and boiled above his head as light pierced the greyness, like the rays from heaven reaching down. The wind and rain was suddenly gone and the silence itself was too loud to bare. His gaze remained firmly fixed as the clouds evaporated in yellow and white light. The rays touched his cold face, warmth bleeding through his tired body._

"_You must follow the path."_

_It was in his head, not a voice, just a command, a knowledge he had no comprehension of._

"_You must keep following the light, no matter where it takes you, otherwise everything will end, the world will die and the children will no longer be born."_

"_I do not understand." He replied, his voice was lost in the silence._

"_Understanding is not a requirement, you must just do. You must walk into the fire to find salvation."_

"_But I will die."_

"_Yes, everything dies."_

"_Not everything, not Jack."_

"_Jack is wrong, he is chaos, disorder and should not exist."_

"_But he does exist."_

"_You will die, but you must remember that it is how you die that counts. Look at this world, look at this desolation."_

"_This is me, isn't it?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Is this all I am?"_

"_You are what you make of yourself, you must define yourself by what lives, not by what has died."_

"_There have been so many."_

"_There will be many more."_

"_Who are you?"_

"_The Bad Wolf...... The Big Bad Wolf."_

_He looked down at his feet and could see through the concrete into the Hub below, like he was standing on glass a tableau played out beneath him. There he was in Jack's arms, struggling, angry and very afraid. He saw himself being pushed on to the invisible lift, being desperately kissed and then Jack was standing back watching him rise to..... safety....... Jack.......Jack_

"Jack!" Ianto lurched up and fell off the couch with a thump, catching his head on the corner of the coffee table as he went down. The last vestiges of sleep wrenched away by the pain.

"Ow, shit!"

Hands were on him lifting him back on to the couch and Ianto opened his eyes to see Jack looking at him with concern.

"Hey, are you ok?"

Ianto blinked and rubbed the back of his head, his hand came away wet and red.

"Shit."

"Here, sit. I'll get something for that."

A few moments later and something cold and damp was pressed against the back of his head, easing the pain immediately. Ianto closed his eyes and sighed.

"You ok?"

Ianto nodded allowing Jack to hold the cold compress in place and relaxing into his body his head resting on Jack's chest.

"Thanks. Sorry did I wake you?"

Jack was chuckling. "No, got a shock though. Was it a nightmare?"

Ianto wasn't sure so he nodded. "Sort of. It's blurry now. I'm not really certain. How long was I asleep?"

"Not long enough, come on, you should go to bed and try to get another couple of hours."

Ianto yawned, but the last thing he wanted was to sleep again. He breathed in Jack's unique scent and smiled to himself when he realised just how comforting it was to be near him again.

"What are we Jack?"

Jack sat back on the couch, gently moving Ianto with him.

"I haven't a clue..... Jack and Ianto......Ianto and Jack, you know me I don't do labels." He replied, gently prodding at the sore spot on Ianto's scalp and checking the bleeding had stopped.

"I don't understand it Jack, I feel so lonely some days. I feel as though I have no connection with the real world. When that offer from UNIT came I thought it would help me find myself but........ would I sound stupid if I told you that something bad is coming?"

"Ianto, we work for Torchwood, there is always something bad coming."

Ianto smiled against Jack's warm skin.

"Are you going to Gwen's wedding?"

"We've all been invited, I think it will be a fun day, a chance to kick back and relax."

"I was planning on staying at the Hub, to keep an eye on things."

Jack wasn't surprised to hear that. "I think you should go."

"I don't want to go. Gwen and I don't exactly get on. I wouldn't feel right about it. I'm jealous you know?"

"Of whom?"

Ianto shifted and extracated himself from Jack's embrace, he got up and stretched.

"I'm going for a shower."

Jack grabbed his hand and stood up next to him, turning so they faced each other.

"Stop doing this, talk to me."

Ianto looked at his feet.

"She has everything that the rest of us don't. Gwen is so normal, right down to loving someone else more than the man she is marrying. She has a future, mates to go to the pub with, a father to watch rugby with.... in laws to cooe over her first baby.... a fucking morgage. She has all that, all those ordinary things.... the things the rest of us expected to have and didn't get and I am jealous. Does that make me bad Jack?"

Jack was gently touching his pale cheek. "I can see it makes you sad, not bad. Is that what you want? All those things?"

Ianto shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Everything is just..... empty and I keep thinking of poor Owen and realising I am lucky."

"You're still angry with me about that?"

"No Jack." Ianto took a pace back and Jack released him. "So long as I remember he is still Owen. That's what he needs from us, not pity or anything, he's still the same cranky bastard we all know and love."

Jack smiled. "Yeah, he sure is."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gwen had been jittery all day and it was seriously getting on Ianto's nerves. He couldn't blame her of course, she was only three days away from getting married and it was clear to him that Rhys was not the one she wanted to walk up the aisle with. She was bouncing in her seat as she worked at her computer and kept getting up and wandering about, with regular glances in the direction of Jack's office. Ianto kept quiet and fed her regular cups of hot chocolate, for which he received cheery smiles and even a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks pet."

Ianto hated being called a pet, he was not a dog. He walked away and disappeared into the archives to nurse his bad temper in solitude. Gwen sighed with relief at his departure and immediately headed up to Jack's office, not bothering to knock before entering. He greeted her with that smile she loved so much as she sat in the chair in front of his desk.

"Hey."

"Hey, mind if talk for a bit?"

Jack put down his pen, more than happy to have an excuse to abandon the paperwork.

"What's on your mind?"

Gwen fingered the hem of her t-shirt, all the things she wanted to say suddenly abandoned her tongue, she gazed at him, her eyes wide a small smile up curving her lips.

"You could stop this Jack."

He frowned clearly lost.

"Stop what?"

"You and Ianto, it seems to be......the two of you. Are you with him?"

Jack arched an eyebrow suddenly comprehending.

"That isn't really your concern."

"There's still time Jack. For me to..... for us."

He shook his head. "There can be no us. I have my reasons Gwen and none of them are about you personally. I just know how it would end. Rhys is an incredible guy, who loves you and puts up with all the Torchwood crap. Believe me, he's a rare find."

"I know he is. I just can't helping that we would be amazing together, I've seen the way you look at me. I feel it Jack."

"I can't deny that. But the answer is still no, for both our sakes, please trust me. Ianto can handle me, he doesn't want anything, doesn't expect anything..... he knows me. I'm not the man you think I am or hope me to be."

"But I can make you happy Jack, does he?"

Jack glanced down at his hands then offered up a rueful grin. "It isn't about being happy Gwen. It's about not being alone in a crowded room. It's about never having to ask. He scares the shit out of me because he is so perceptive, so loyal. Ianto just is, and I don't understand it, don't care to. I think we need each other in some strange love/ hate sort of way. He isn't in awe of me Gwen, he just accepts and occasionally gets very pissy with me when I do something stupid."

Gwen was watching him closely. "Don't you want to be happy?"

"Everyone wants to be happy Gwen and I know that I am not the one to give you that. Every day you come in here and tell us about Rhys and all these neat little things that he does for you and when you're talking your eyes are alive. Your whole body is animated and you are excitable and funny. That what Rhys does for you. He's your anchor and knows he has to be there whilst you're kicking alien arse and saving the world."

Gwen found herself smiling as she realised the truth of it.

"You just seem so alone, Jack."

"In some ways I always will be, it's the nature of this 'gift' I have. Everything will pass me by. I don't want to have another family Gwen. Ianto understands that on some weird level, I don't think even he really understands why he understands....does that make any sense? What would make me happy is to see you married to Rhys, watch you guys flourish and grow old together. It's a beautiful thing to behold Gwen, don't throw it away for a fantasy because the only loser would be you."

"You will be there at the wedding, won't you?"

Jack grinned. "Of course I will, we all will be, even Ianto will be dragged along."

She got to her feet. "Thank you Jack."

"For what?"

"For making me realise without me feeling stupid and embarrassed."

"You're welcome. Now I need coffee, where is Ianto anyway?"

"He went down to the archives."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ianto rolled his eyes and held the phone away from his ear for a moment, Bridget Spears certainly knew her insults well enough. Ianto half wondered if she'd been a witch in a previous life.

"Yes, Miss Spears, I fully appreciate that, but Captain Harkness is not in the building, you can either talk to me or call back later." He replied using his most patient voice, with just a hint of patronising.

"Yes, of course ma'am...... no I don't know the team are dealing with a situation and I have no idea how long they will be..... Yes..... the reports were couriered to your office this morning, I saw to it myself." He flicked his pen and caught it and began doodling a picture of a broom stick. "Yes Miss Spears, I'll be sure to tell him..... yes.... yes.... of course.. Good day." He hung up and blew out a sigh. He could hear Owen chuckling in the autopsy bay. Bastard!

Ianto rubbed at his temple and cursed the return of yet another headache after another sleepless night of rounding up weevils and then something that turned out to be someone's dog wearing a glow in the dark coat and collar. He was tired and achy and really not looking forward to Gwen's wedding the following day. His team mates were currently chasing down a shapeshifter that had been eluding them most of the day. Ianto was very glad to be Hub side for once, though he was totally unimpressed with Jack's insistence that they all attend Gwen's wedding tomorrow. He gathered the various mugs and put them in the dishwasher and then made his way into Owen's lair.

Owen was working at his computer..... well actually he was playing Halo, Ianto soon discovered.

"Owen, any chance of some pain killers?"

Owen quickly looked up through narrowed eyes. "Another head ache?"

Ianto nodded, it was only natural really he'd hit his head three times in as many days. Owen gestured to the exam table.

"Let me give you a quick check over, first."

Ianto didn't argue.... It was time for another counselling session anyway.

"You feeling ok apart from the head?"

"Tired, I'm not sleeping so well."

"That wouldn't have anything to do with Jack would it?"

"No, well not exactly. I'm having weird dreams again, ever since I started on those tablets you gave me."

"Yeah, they can do that. It should settle soon, but let me know if it doesn't."

"Ok."

"Tell me about the dreams?"

"Why?"

"I dunno, maybe you've got something lurking in your head that only comes out in your dreams?"

"You mean, like I am a closet cross dresser or something."

"You're shagging Jack, that's enough to confuse anyone. Or are these dreams of yours pornographic and way too embarrassing to admit to?"

"I'm standing the Plas, the floor is made of glass. The Plas is empty and it is always winter. When I look down I can see into the Hub. Jack is pushing me onto the lift and he looks frightened and then I am looking down on myself looking down at him. He's looking up at me and he is afraid..... I can hear this voice, but I don't know what it is saying."

"That's it?"

"Yes, it's identical every time. I've had that dream six times now."

"So maybe something is bothering you? Perhaps you are worried that Jack is pushing you away?"

"I think he is trying to save me."


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: HAPPY BIRTHDAY IANTO!!!!!!**

**PART FIFTEEN**

Ianto stripped off his suit and bundled it into a bag ready to take into the dry cleaners. It had not been the kind of day he had expected, having spent the day chasing hormonal nostrovites, DJ-ing and watching Jack and Gwen moon all over each other..... Well fuck them. Fuck the bloody lot of them. He'd been on his feet for almost 36 hours, what with the meeting at UNIT HQ yesterday, more delayed trains and then discovering his car had been stolen from the rail station carpark..... Yeah, he was a having a bloody wonderful weekend thank you very much..... Shirt socks and underwear were dumped in the washing machine and he set it off.

The shower decided to pack up half way through and he was deluged with freezing water whilst he rinsed his hair. He pulled on his dressing gown and went to check the boiler and discovered it wasn't working. Great, just wonderful. He stomped to the kitchen and made himself a mug of tea.... coffee was not a good idea at 3am. Two sleeping tablets and ten minutes later and he was sound asleep, snoring into his pillow.

_It wasn't a room he recognised. The floor looked like a chess board and it was hard and unyielding against his back. He was lying down looking up through a fog of pain and..... Oh God, he was crying. Why was he crying?_

"_I know you'll forget me, I'm just a blink of your eyes, less than a moment. I'll be gone and you'll forget."_

_Why am I on the floor?_

_Jack's face hung over his. Water dripping. Jack's face.... He's crying. What's going on?_

"_I'll never forget. I promise. I promise."_

"_DON'T!"_

_Darkness falls._

Ianto sat up in the black of his bedroom, the glow from the clock telling him he'd been asleep less than an hour. He turned to settle back down and discovered a warm lump beside him under the quilt.

"Jack?"

"Uhmm?"

Ianto sighed and snuggled down ending up on his back and staring at the ceiling thinking that maybe Owen's pills were actually anti-sleeping pills. When he closed his eyes all he could see was the look on Jack's face as he danced with Gwen in his arms. I wish he'd look at me that way. It took Ianto some moments to realise that the wetness on his face was his own tears. He sat up again and climbed out of bed.

Jack found him three hours later curled up under the throw on his couch, Moses lying along his thigh, as if to guard him. The TV was on and Ianto had clearly fallen asleep watching it. Jack flicked the off button on the remotes with a huff of annoyance and decided to go for a shower before waking Ianto. It was the shortest one he'd had for years and he swore profusely at the cold water.

When Ianto finally surfaced from his slumber it was to the smell of burning toast. Jack was many things, but breakfast was usually beyond him. Pulling the cotton throw tight around his cold body he ambled into the kitchen and went straight to his coffee machine. Jack watched him as he munched on blackened toast.

"You didn't sleep so well again." He commented.

Ianto's head was in the fridge. "I think Owen's tablets are making me a bit weird. He did say it takes a while to adjust to them."

Jack was frowning. "What tablets?"

Ianto straightened up, a pot of yogurt in his hand. "For sleeping, they just make my dreams vivid and wake me up." He noticed Jack's hair was still wet. "The boiler's died. I need to call a plumber or something, sorry if you had a cold shower." He didn't sound very sorry to Jack.

"Are you pissed with me?"

"Yes Jack and if you can't figure out why without me telling you then please just go away and leave me alone."

Jack knew perfectly well of course. "You know how I feel about her."

"There was no need to rub it in my face Jack or Rhys' for that matter. He was all set to march over and punch you one. I thought you'd made your decision..... Do you know how it feels being the consolation prize?" Ianto refused to hide his bitterness. "You..... Jack..... it's always about you. Well pardon me for being selfish, but its my bed you share and I expect a little more respect.... so right now I am royally pissed at you."

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Are you? God, sorry I am starting to sound like your jealous boyfriend. Shit, I never wanted this. Shit. I have no right Jack. Just shoot me already! God I am so tired. I dreamt I was dying in your arms last night."

Jack froze looking at the younger man with concern.

"What happened?"

Ianto busied himself again with the coffee making. "I don't know. I just remember looking up into your face and I was crying and my body hurt all over. You kept saying I promise over and over. I woke up feeling sad and I couldn't get back to sleep."

"Why didn't you wake me?" Jack rested a hand on the small of Ianto's back. "Ianto?"

Ianto shrugged. "I don't know Jack. I suppose I was angry because of yesterday."

Jack took the empty mug from Ianto's hand and pulled him into a tight embrace. Ianto sank into it..... feeling like he was spiralling in circles. Owen had warned him about that too, classic Post Trauma symptoms.

"Do you think Gwen and Rhys will be ok?"

Jack nodded. "They'll be fine. He loves her so much and she'll need him and she loves him too."

Ianto closed his eyes. "Can I take today off?"

"I think we both can. Owen's got the alert relay and he and Tosh will deal with anything unless it's major. I thought you and I could do with some time of our own." Jack ran his hand through Ianto's hair and Ianto visibly sagged. It was a moment later that Jack figured out that he'd gone back to sleep where he stood.

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Owen gave him an apologetic look and Ianto actually wished he had a camera with which to preserve the moment.

"Halve the dosage mate, that should knock off the dreaminess. Some anti depressants do have that effect. You ok otherwise?"

Ianto nodded pulling on his shirt. "I made a bit of an idiot of myself. Jack and I we had an argument... well not really an argument, but I ended up sounding like a hormonal teenage girl."

Owen was tidying up his work area.

"He treats you like shit, Ianto. That display at Gwen's wedding.... mate I would've socked him one."

"We're not in a relationship Owen, I have no claim on him."

"Bollocks. I think you enjoy being a miserable git. You must do because that twat makes you miserable."

Ianto fastened his tie. "Why would I want to be miserable? Surely I'd not be talking to you or taking all those damn tablets."

Owen stopped what he was doing and faced his younger colleague. "Since I died, you are the only person who doesn't treat me like glass. You say what you think. I am still the old Owen. It's kept me sane Ianto, you treating me with the same sarcasm and insults..... Can I be brutally honest with you?"

Ianto nodded, not sure he was going to like what he was about to hear.

"Jack's a shit..... whatever he does you will be the one to get hurt, you will be the one who will eventually end up dead. What Jack forgets is that when we follow him, when we do all this Torchwood stuff, we give up everything. We only get one life and we all give it up for him. It's obvious you love him, but it will only lead to self destruction Ianto. What I am saying is, get out while you can. Start a new life, meet a nice girl, have babies.... whatever it is."

"I can't Owen, I can't turn my back on this. I can't walk away from Jack no matter how much it hurts."

"Yeah, I thought that's what you'd say...... Keep taking the tablets then."


	16. Chapter 16

**PART SIXTEEN**

"Owen, what's with the pills you've prescribed for Ianto?"

"Is that a Torchwood question or a concerned boyfriend question?"

"What??!!"

"Well I have to observe patient confidentiality."

"Does it make a difference? I mean whether it's personal or not?"

"No, I can't tell you without Ianto's permission, unless there's a risk to day-day operations."

"Is there?"

"No................ Look Jack, he's in a bad space right now and he's doing the right thing by asking for help and taking the meds..... He'll be ok, just as soon as you start treating him less like a mat to wipe your feet on."

"I don't"

"No, of course you don't."

"How are you Owen?"

"Don't try to change the subject. I'm as fine as any dead man can be. Now why were you asking about Ianto's meds?"

"He's still not sleeping, and he's having bad dreams.... I'm worried Owen, that's all. Believe it or not I happen to care about him.... a lot!"

"He's healing Jack..... I know it may not seem like it on the outside, but he is. Ianto is finally opening up about all the shit he's had to cope with."

"He doesn't talk to me."

"Yes, he does Jack. You just don't listen. He tells you everything. He trusts you with everything and in the same breath tries his damndest not to make you feel like you owe him anything. That boy is so........ He loves you Jack and that is going to be the death of him one day. Just for once in your life remember that he has feelings too."

"What you think I don't?"

"I don't Jack, look mate I understand. I do, probably better than you think. I know you will outlive all of us, possibly everyone who ever exists and that is a long time. I understand that attachments for you only end in pain. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Sometimes Jack you just have to put that aside and get on in the here and now and live each day one at a time. Ianto needs you and it's blatantly obvious you need him, so stop pissing about and do something about it."

"........."

"............."

"Where is Ianto anyway?"

"He's sorting out a family for that little boy. He was very insistent about doing it himself. That ghost thing really got to him."

"Yes, we talked about it. He was angry because there was only one survivor."

"Yeah, that sucks. Anyway he said he'd be back this evening."

"Ok."

"Owen?"

"Yes Jack?"

"Is there anything in Ianto's medical file about Providence Park Hospital?"

"Yeah there is. When he was twelve he was witness to a stabbing at his school, his best mate died. Ianto had to have counselling, he got stabbed himself trying to break up the fight..... back in the days when wayward kids actually got some help. Judging from the notes he had a good social worker who mostly managed to keep him in check and out of further trouble. Why do you ask?"

"It came up in conversation, we had to visit someone there, Ianto seemed to know his way around."

"He's not a basket case Jack. He's just had more than his fare share of crap to live through, all things considered he's as well balanced as he's ever going to be. I think he's just deeply sad and lonely."

"Jesus Owen, he's barely 25 years old, what the hell is the rest of his life going to be like?"

"I think that largely depends on you."

"........"

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It made a pleasant change to be able to work to the sounds of Rhodri Gilbert, joking his way through the day. Ianto hadn't felt this relaxed in months, things were, at last calming down again even if he was still having weird dreams about three headed monsters in glass tanks. He shook his head and returned his attention to his work. It was tedious, scanning old documents and adding them into the computerised database. Tedious was good, it meant not having to think, or worry, or plan anything more complicated than what make to make for his dinner.

Gwen had been happily showing off honeymoon photos, which he had to admit looked very nice and he had left her company in a refreshed mood. It was almost lunch time when his quiet musings were interrupted by Jack's footsteps as he entered Ianto's domain.

Predictably Jack hang back by the doorway, hands shoved deep into his trouser pockets, he never felt certain of himself down here amongst all the tat of history.

"Everything alright, Jack?"

"Yeah, I just came down to see what you were doing and to find out what you wanted for lunch."

Ianto smiled, pushing his chair back from the desk and standing up. "I'll come up. I've had enough of staring at the screen for one day." He logged off from his computer and turned off the desk light. "I was thinking of trying out that new deli they seem to have quite a healthy menu."

Jack arched an eyebrow. "Healthy?"

Ianto smiled. "Ever since we met you've always moaned that I don't eat properly, this is me heeding your advice. Anyway, I really am sick of pizza. It's about time I got a bit more adventurous."

They walked side by side back up to the main area of the Hub.

"How's the boy settling in with his foster family?" Jack knew that Ianto had been keeping a close eye on the situation.

"I think, once he's come to terms, he'll be ok. He's very young Jack, so long as he's loved and cared for..... well I know he will be, John and Caroline are good people......"

Jack grasped his shoulder, pulling him to a stop. Ianto faced him with a questioning frown.

"Jack?"

"I thought it was Gwen, the heart and soul of this place, but you do all this for a complete stranger, with no fuss.... no..... expectation."

Ianto did not understand. "He'd just lost his entire family Jack. It was something that we are supposed to protect him from, protect them. The hardest thing for me was losing my Tad and I was older, I understood, the circumstances were so frighteningly normal and even though Mam and Rhi were there, I'd never felt so alone before. I don't want that boy to ever feel what I have felt. We owe him that, because we can't tell him the truth about what happened to his family, because all he will ever know is a lie. I hate the lies Jack, it's one thing about this job that makes my gut hurt more than anything else. My act of compassion is as much for my benefit as his, to my shame."

"Does it help?"

"Yes, until the next lie has to be told. You have Flat Holm, I have this. I do what I can do Jack and if it means that one little boy gets half a chance at a decent life then I would do it every time." Ianto fingered the cufflink on his left sleeve.

"You really are amazing, you know that don't you?"

Ianto immediately shook his head. "I'm just Ianto Jones, who maybe sometimes does the odd amazing thing."

Jack smiled at him and Ianto was pleased to see it reach his old eyes. He smiled back when Jack pulled him into a tight embrace, carding fingers in his hair and rubbing his back. Ianto rested his chin on Jack's shoulder his hands resting lightly over the small of Jack's back.

"Can I ask you something?"

Jack nodded, dusting light kisses into Ianto's hair.

"Anything."

"Why do you wear belt and braces?"

He could feel warm air as Jack chuckled against his skin, tickling his ear.

"I have no idea, why, does it look bad?"

This time it was Ianto's turn chuckle. "Funny.... I mean.... yeah funny."

**AN: Anyone wondering why I am making references to COE..... there is a reason.... I promise, though this story is way longer than I initially intended! Thank you as always for your reading and your comments... Kia Ora.**


	17. Chapter 17

**PART SEVENTEEN**

Jack sat slumped behind his desk, his face buried in his hands. It had been a long time since he had felt quite so emotionally drained. Gwen had opened the proverbial can of worms and gone at them like a terrier down a rabbit hole. It was bad enough that she could not leave well alone, what made it worse was Ianto's determination to help her, to make his point and to teach them all a lesson. Ianto had been right of course, when it came to the things that really mattered he generally was.

Helen had been furious with the disruption to Jonah Bevan, it would take weeks to get him settled again, if he ever could be settled, knowing that his mother was out there and not wanting to face him again. Jack had had to smooth a lot of ruffled feathers and Ianto at least had had the decency to help him.

Jack glanced up on hearing tentative footsteps enter the office, the aroma of coffee following the sound. Ianto was placing the mug on his desk, his pale face drawn with it's all too familiar tiredness. Jack offered up a brief smile of thanks and then held out his arms.

"Come here."

Without pause for thought Ianto sat down on his lap and they held each other and finally Jack let the tears go, the haunting sounds of Jonah's scream finally overwhelming him. Ianto tightened his hold, and whispered comforts into his hair, his hands moving in soothing motions over his neck and back. It took Jack some time to realise that Ianto was singing to him in Welsh. It was the most beautiful thing, a perfect counterpoint to the horrors of the last few days. Somehow this boy always knew what to do without even trying. Jack was grateful for his presence, for the love that soaked in through his pores and his soul. No one had ever touched him so deeply before, not even his Doctor; whose love was an entirely different thing. Jack lost himself in the comforting warmth, the scent of Java coffee and feeling of deep red silk against his cheek. That strangely haunting beauty that Ianto carried unconsciously around him like an aura, the one that was entirely for him and somewhere deep inside himself, Jack knew he wasn't worth it. They sat there for a long time, the coffee going untouched and cold.

What felt like an age later and Ianto stepped away and held out his hand.

"Come on, we'll go back to mine, it's late and we both need to sleep."

Jack didn't argue and he smiled as Ianto held out his coat for him to slip into. It was one of those gestures that had become entirely personal to them, a brief and simple intimacy that Jack knew he would miss when Ianto was gone. Ianto smoothed his hands over the shoulders and grinned.

"That's better."

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Ianto stared down at the bomb. He was told that his life should flash before his eyes at the moment of death. Well, they got that wrong. As he lay under the rubble all he could do was hope the others were alive, that Owen..... Oh God Owen. Never mind the burning pain in his shoulder and the choking dust.

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The days slid by in an inexorable blur. They functioned..... barely. Jack was quiet, anger, grief and fear bubbling under the surface. The only sounds around the Hub were Gwen's unending fits of tears and Myfanwy's mournful screeching. Ianto wondered if she knew. One morning he found himself standing outside the hastily erected perimetre fence at the Turnmill plant, a bunch of flowers clasped in his grip. He didn't know what else to do. Jack and Gwen had flown to Osaka with Tosh's ashes, to grant her a final wish. Ianto had brought flowers to Owen's..... well it was nothing more than a tomb and Ianto found himself wondering if Owen were really dead. Hadn't he already done that? The sun was shining down on him even though it was a cold day. Ianto placed the flowers on the gravel at the base of the fence and let his tears roll freely as he threaded his fingers through the wire.

"You were the only one who truly cared. It should be me in there, you know. Why do I always live when everything around me dies? Good bye Owen, where ever it is you are, I will never forget your kindness so long as I live." It was hours before Ianto found the will to move himself back to the SUV.

_**Finis..**_

**AN: Season three to follow which will include the Dalek thing and the 4 radio plays. Thanks for reading every body!**


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